Having Another?

Is it rude to comment on how close --or far, for that matter-- people's children are spaced? I have definitely done it, but I think it has to be in the right context like, for instance, amongst friends. For example, I know people who have had or are having a hard time getting pregnant. But I guess the question there would be why they are waiting so long to have kids and not why they are spread out. I know that when people comment on how close my kids are (twenty-one months is not THAT close), they often do it with sympathy. Like, 'wow, that must be tough.' I guess it's tough. Certainly, I have almost no personal time, which accounts for how often I get to blog lately.
There have been times when I asked someone about the spacing of their children and wished I could have taken it back. Sometimes it's better not to know.

Pregnant or Not So Pregnant

This doesn't strictly belong in this blog, but I thought it would be interesting to readers who are looking for posts on body image and pregnancy.

I ran into a girl I haven't seen around for a few years. She's always been a heavyish girl. She got really big after she got married and had baby one and two. We talked a little bit about what we've each been up to. She was lookng pretty much the same as last time I saw her. Then she let the bomb drop. Something about "with this baby..." while indicating her stomach. I know she noticed the look of shock that crossed my face. Even though I now knew she was pregnant, she didn't look pregnant to me. Especially the advanced stages that she'd just confessed to. She simply looked like her regular heavy self. She was wearing a winter coat but it was open. Maybe that's what was hiding her maternal shape. I tried to cover it up without starting at her belly. "You look great!" I said (I meant it too). And I tried to change the subject. I think it worked. But it's not the first time that I made a pregnant or just recently birthed mom faux pas. By my count it's the fourth. I've had some real doozies.
But this incident made me wonder-- did she get pregnant five years after her last child because she lost weight? Is her heaviness now all baby or is it just not popping that much? I don't dare ask.

Back To the Weighting Game

I just weighed myself for the first time in several months. I've been evaluating by back-to-pre-baby shape by the way my clothes fit, which is probably the best yardstick. However, it's always interesting to see how things are going in the weight department as well.

Well, the big news is that I'm at my pre-baby weight! About 138 or 139 lbs, assuming that my sister's scale is correct and that it corroborates with the scales I've been using since I gave birth. It took me four months to get here, or maybe less considering that I may have been sitting at this weight for a while and not known it. This is also how long it took me in my last pregnancy.

But before you pull out the balloons and streamers, note that my favorite skirt, which I managed to get on over my hips, is still barely closing and I actually busted the hook and eye thingy that holds it shut. I still have this belly. I'm back at my regular weight but I seem to have traded muscle for fat. Muscle is heavier. I'll have to start doing crunches or something. I can't stand the way things look across my middle. Also, my hips still look wide to me, though there's no real way of telling if they're back or not, or if they ever will be. At this stage after my last pregnancy I was back in my regular clothes. Well, it's okay. I am a bit older now and this is my second kid and it's okay for our bodies to change a bit as we get older. I just don't have the cash to restock my entire wardrobe right now.

postpartum hair loss

My hair was gorgeous during my pregnancy. I really enjoyed it. Now it is once again all over the house, the baby, my hands, everything. I am shedding like a cat. A sheddy cat. You'd think that at this rate I wouldn't have any hair left at all but it looks pretty much the same as usual, I guess. They say you lose about 100 hairs per day anyway. I'm probably losing about three times that amount, minimum. At leat this time 'round my hair is reasonably trimmed so that it's easy to brush. Last time I had to cut off 10 inches when my baby was 6 months old because it was taking me three-quarters of a hour each time to brush it and the resulting hairballs were as big as my fist. Guess I'll just have to wait for my hormones to rebalance themselves.

After Birth Belly

I remember worrying so much about my after birth belly last time 'round. I did eventually go back to my original flat tummy, but it was never quite as firm as it had been, though I think it was only noticeable to me. Bellys are soft immediately after birth but they slowly do shrink back. I think that now that it's been 3 months since my second child was born, I'm softer at this stage than I was at this time after the last baby. I might actually have to do some exercises to tighten it up a bit. But who's got the time with two kids to look after? I suppose I could do it if I really wanted to. Instead, I've taken to wearing -- what are those tights called again?? The kind that sucks your tummy in. Not support hose... I have to go look in my drawer and see if there are any... though really any pantyhose or tights or leggings will do it. It's not comfortable but you have to wear them way high up to your rib cage and voila! No belly.

Aha. Control top. That's what they're called.

P.S. Let it be known that my husband loves my belly. Which makes it all that much easier for me to put off the sit-ups....

Weight! Size! It's three months later.

Well, it's been three moons since I had the baby. Although she doesn't latch well, that doesn't seem to impede her eating. After my last pregnancy I was able to fit into my clothes again at four months. This time I'm still wearing bigger-size things but people are commenting on how skinny I am. I think that maybe my hips haven't gone back to where they were, because my weight has pretty much dropped down but I still don't fit into my favorite jean skirt (which was the same yardstick I used the last time 'round.) Also I have a bit of a tummy which is really annoying. DH doesn't mind it, but I do. It makes my shirt ride up and I think it sticks out too much compared to how big my boobs are-- which they aren't. I shouldn't complain. Some women don't go back. My sister says that she doesn't drop back entirely until after she finishes breastfeeding. That would really suck.

Sixty-Seven

I'm down 10 kg (22 lbs) from my maximum pregnancy weight. What a lot of energy I have. Well, not right now since it's after 9pm and I'm falling asleep.
I still have another seven kg or so to lose. I suspect that these will be the hardest, but you never know. I guess I should lay off the deep fried eggplant for a while.

Power Mommy

I feel so much stronger now than I did during pregnancy. I can't believe the difference. I took DS the pool the other day. I had taken him a bunch of times in late pregnancy. It was so hard to move around with him then and to get in and out of the water or in any position other than plain old sitting. Also, my swollen feet hurt when I walked through the water. Not sure why. But now I was able to really have fun with him. I was able to put him on top of me and swim with him, and I could run through the wading pool with him and play games. It's so much better-- it's astounding.

Sleep Baby

I've been really tired lately. It's not the baby keeping me up-- ironically, she's been sleeping through the night with just a little wake-up call here and there to eat. It's DS who's been calling us and crying. Well, last night he slept pretty well and didn't wake up until after 7am! The morning before, he woke up at 5:30 and was up and running. I was able to take a nap but DH had an exam that morning which he thinks he did poorly in. We started changing our reaction to his calls when my sister was over to help with the baby. She was sleeping in his room.

Cleaning Out My Closet

We're moving soon and the time has come to start packing up my stuff. Normally, this would be a great opportunity to clean out my closet and get rid of stuff I don't wear-- something I'm normally really really terrible at. I always think I'm going to end up using something again. And I almost always do. On top of all that, I am at this in-between stage where I have no idea what fits me and what doesn't and what will fit me in two or three months from now. I still managed to fill up about half a garbage bag with stuff to give away. And I can add a few pairs of well-used boots to that pile. But most of that stuff is stuff that was given to me over the last year or so that I've never really taken a shining to. So it's just skimming the fat off my wardrobe by a little. It doesn't constitute a major wardrobe turnover. AND I am itching to buy new clothes now to fit my current body.

With Regards To Labor and Delivery

I just wanted to add something or, rather, emphasize something with regards to my labor and delivery story from a few days ago. Laboring at home for as long as possible was the best thing I ever did.
Right up until the moment I got in the car to go to the hospital, I was folding laundry, packing a hospital bag for my DH, playing with my son, checking my e-mail, blogging, and watching videos online that my sister was trying to entertain me with. It was not a panicked, clinical experience with people standing over me and monitoring me. It was almost enjoyable-- except for the pain. I was able to get into whatever positions I wanted to get through contractions. I could move around at will from room to room. I could eat and drink, and I did, knowing that I wouldn't be able to until after I had the baby and then only at the next hospital mealtime.
Maybe I was only able to do this because my contractions did not get really bad until the very end, but I have no point of comparison since I didn't go into labor naturally last time so I don't know what it's like otherwise.
Maybe I said all this already. But it makes me so happy to think about it.

Hair Hair

That great hair feeling I was enjoying throughout my pregnancy? No more. I've already begun finding long, wavy stray hairs on my clothes and on baby, and I don't think it's my new conditioner at fault here. It's those postpartum hormones making my nails crack and my hair fall out. Last time 'round, I had to cut my very very long hair after six months because it was taking me at least forty minutes to brush it every time I washed it and I just couldn't afford the time. The hair would fall out and get tangled in there. I would have to stop several times during the brushing and pull handfulls of hair out of my brush. My hair is very tangled on a regular basis and so I'm used to spending time getting knots out, but this was ridiculous. Cutting it helped because there was simply less to get tangled.
I got my hair styled about six months ago and haven't cut it since. I don't cut my hair very often. It's still in a stage where it's quite easy to get a brush through. Hopefully I won't have to do another drastic cut to get through this period.
Also, my beautiful nails from during pregnancy are starting to lose their strength. Sigh. There are some things about pregnancy that you can't wait to get rid of, and there are some things you wish you could keep.

Fit To All Appearances

Looking good at two and a half weeks postpartum. At least, that's what people are telling me. I went to drop off DS at nursery yesterday morning after going through my closet to figure out what I could now fit into. I think it's good to start phasing out my maternity clothes so that I have a real sense of where I am in terms of getting back to myself. Last time, I allowed myself six weeks to wear maternity clothes and then I put them all away and made myself face my closet.

Anyway, the skirt I wore yesterday was one I was able to wear through my pregnancy although it is just a regular stretchy denim skirt. The shirt is a very simple cotton t-shirt that I don't normally wear at all because it's so shapeless that I usually get lost in it. But now thanks to breastfeeding and my recent pregnancy, I'm a little more curvaceous and so I fit into it nicely.

The teachers and parents who haven't seen me since I gave birth were making all kinds of comments about how good I looked and how they look more pregnant than me.... I kept denying that I'd 'returned to my old body' because I know what lies beneath the facade of clothing.

The truth is, I'm fine with how I am right now. I'm not crazy: I just gave birth under three weeks ago. I don't expect to look like a runway model quite yet. I was somewhat surprised and pleased to find out how little I care about what others think about how I look. What really matters, as they say, is what's inside. In this case, I'll say what matters is what's inside my own head. You have to know in life to take things that other people say with a grain of salt. When it comes to the shape of my body, I guess the other opinion that matters besides my own is my husband's. So I'l keep it in the family.

Baby Bumpless: The After-Birth Belly

I should have done a day-by-day photograph of my belly. I'll have to do it next pregnancy. I'm talking now about my post-pregnancy belly. On the day after birth, it sagged like an enormous misplaced boob over where my waistband would have been had I not been clad in a hospital robe. By day 2 it hadn't changed much. On day three, by the time I came home from the hospital, it had regressed significantly. I still had a soft mushy belly, but it looked like the soft mushy belly of a soft mushy person.

Looking at pictures of myself from a day or two after that, I can see that I still looked a bit pregnant. However, within the fist week, I was already able to feel that I had a waist again. It was a very good feeling. I keep putting my hands there because I can't believe it. What a feeling! A waist.

Now, about two and a half weeks after delivery, my stomach is soft and mushy still but it's not so protruding anymore. I probably look like I could stand to lose a few pounds-- and I probably can. I only weighed myself once, and that was within a week of delivery. My stomach was down but my weight was still about twenty pounds more than my pre-pregnancy starting point.

Another thing is that I normally have very prominent hipbones. I wouldn't say that they are prominent now but I can feel them again. I also feel like my thighs and legs are on their way back to being what they were before I gave birth. I still think my butt looks big, but I've learned that a big butt is not necessarily a bad thing. Fashion models may have nearly nonexistent bottoms, but I think a little bit of roundness on a girl is a nice feature. I am normally quite angular.

My face has thinned out. DH observed that women who are about to give birth tend to bulk up around the face. I noticed this in a friend of mine as well who's about 37 weeks right now. She's a thin girl with a tiny bloop of a belly but her face looks swollen. Mine was like that towards the end, but it's thinned out now.

All this is without exercise or any special dieting. In fact, I just finished consuming an ice cream pop. I was all ready to start going shopping and wandering about town after the baby was born but then she got sick with fever at one week and landed in the hospital for three days. Of course, I went with her. We were all but quarrantined in our room. You don't want to wander around a germy children's ward with a newborn. I was totally paranoid about germs that whole time and also totally sedintery. I had DH bring me my yarn and I sat and crocheted the whole time. Ever since then, DH doesn't want me to take her out until she's at least a month and even when he's home, which isn't so often lately, it's hard for me to leave her b/c I'm breastfeeding. Pumping is an option but it's hard to find the opportunity.

Anyway, the point is that my body does seem to want to get back to its normal self. Now if only I could help out by getting some exercise.

I Love My Feet

I keep looking at my feet. They are so... gorgeous and shapely. Not at all like hot water bottles. I can't believe they're mine. And just think-- they were hidden under all that swelling all this time.

They didn't shrink back to size straightaway. They went down significantly immediately but they felt bruised and sore, which I guess they were. It didn't help that DS liked to step on them while they were huge.

It's only in the last couple of days that I've noticed the sinews showing through the skin again. I have very long, thin feet normally, so seeing sinew is normal for me.

Well, I'm glad to have them back. Now I can wear my crocs again! Can you believe I grew out of those too?

Moons Forward - The Postpartum Months

I've spent the last nine months blogging about my pregnancy expeirences. And while pregnancy technically ends with birth, the effects of it go on. So going forwared, this blog is going to address what it's like to be post-partum. Physically, emotionally, and any other way.

For my breastfeeding blog, please see http://breastfeedingchronicles.blogspot.com
Soon to be updated.

Enjoy!

I'm Back With A Baby - My Labor and Delivery Story

For those of you who have been waiting with baited breath since my last blog posting, I apologize for nearly two week's delay. I could blame it on new motherhood, but that would be stretching the truth by about three days and I have about twelve days to account for. I have a very good excuse for the last four days which I'll share in another post.

When you last saw me, I was having contractions at home. They started in the morning after I noticed bloody show overnight. They were light and not really painful. DH had an exam in the afternoon and I took at walk and picked up DS from nursery, after which I went out for a falaffel and then stopped by the flower shop on the way home to pick up a thank-you gift for our friends who helped us out when I had that fever the week before. I even ran into them at the top of the street and they didn't notice anything. I didn't say anything.

Contractions started coming harder later in the afternoon. I would have to pause between blogging or cleaning or whatever I was doing, let it pass, and then go on. DS woke up and was climbing all over me. My sister arrived eventually and still I didn't want to go to the hospital, even though I knew (though I wasn't reporting to the waiting parties) that according to the five-minute rule, I should have gone already.

Laboring at home was the best thing I could have done. I wasn't being monitored or checked constantly. Nobody was holding me down or watching me or sticking needles in my arm. Nothing was strapped to me. I found a position or two that was ideal for waiting out contractions (on my hands and knees on the couch with my head on the armrest.) It was all very calm and, though I wouldn't quite call it pleasant, I can say that it was ideal conditions.

The contractions started getting bad and sweetly and without pressure, DH inquired when we would be leaving for the hospital. He was nervous that he'd have to do the job himself. I finally allowed him to convince me to leave the house when my water broke.

And then came the hardest part-- emotionally-- of the whole experience. I had to say goodbye to DS who I was seeing for the last time as an only child. Even thinking about it now is difficult. Fortunately, he had fallen fast asleep and didn't know that I spent more than a few moments lying beside him, stroking his hair, and apologizing. I know, I know, giving him a sibling is the best gift of all etc etc but it was still really tough on me. I knew that things were about to change forever. I'm not so good with change.

We ended up going to a different hospital than I had planned on since it was easier to walk to from our house and we wanted access. It's the same hospital where I gave birth to my son (after torturous procedures and interventions) nearly two years ago. It's not that the staff was bad. It's just that I had a bit of an emergency situation that time and it resulted in a very difficult birth.

I had awful contractions after that, and being in the car was pure torture. It's hard to relax into a contraction when you're strapped in to a bucket seat. Still, I was cautioning DH all the while to drive more carefully. The hospital is only 5 minutes away and though I could feel that the time to start pushing was near, I kept the news from him because he was already really nervous. He parked the car while an attendant helped me into a wheelchair and took a few details from me. I was going to refuse the chair but then I realized I had to get upstairs fast because the baby was on its way. DH arrived and we took off at a madcap down the hallway and up the elevator.

I was greeted at the labor ward by a midwife who made me get on a bed and strapped a monitor across my belly despite my protests. "We have to know how the baby is doing" she said. I hate that. The baby was on its way out one way or the other. In the meantime I was expected to lie obediently in whatever positions they commanded of me? There was no way. Honestly, there are times in life it's okay to not be cooperative. Oh, and then they did that awful thing where they check how dilated you are. I HATE IT. There were only two times I screamed during the entire process, and checking my cervix was one of them. It hurts and also just plain bothers me more than any other thing they do. Apparently I have a very very long canal and they need to dig right in there to get at it. I refused it all through the other checks in my pregnancy. It also bothers me even now-- just thinking about it makes me cringe.

I was four centimetres. FOUR? FOUR? No way I was only four.

When they finally got me into the delivery room, I did what I never intended to do: I climbed up on the bed and lay on my back. And by the way, I was fully dialated. Ten beautiful centimetres. I don't remember them checking me at that point. Maybe they just had a glance and could see... I don't know. Anyway, by that point there was no holding back.

Oh yes, that was after they insisted on replacing my clothes with a hospital gown, which I suppose I should be grateful for in terms of laundry, but I had no interest in at the time. The reason I was on my back is that it's just the position I ended up in and I was in too much pain to change it at that moment. Also, I was comfortable. Also, I knew the baby was on it's way out. I could feel it. It was all very intense.

At some point, and I didn't realize this until later on, the pain turned to tension. Every muscle in my body was coiled up. Whenever the midwife wanted me to change position even a little bit-- shift up, shift down, move my legs, hold my knees, whatever, it's not that I couldn't do it, but it took enormous effort to realign any muscle in my body at all. It's like they were melted in position. Even when DH or the midwife tried shifting me just a little, I protested. The biggest movement I made was some shifting and once I flipped over on my side, which is apparently a preferred position over the supine one. Talking was also really hard. I mostly used hand motions or whispered to DH who then translated to the midwife. The only motion I was happy to consent to was pushing.

This tension had been building with every contraction to the point that I couldn't relax in between contractions. I needed more time than I had. But that was somehow okay. Because like I said, what I was feeling wasn't exactly pain. I wasn't feeling comfortable, but it was way better to be like this than having regular contractions. The only problem was that it was very difficult for me to tell when it was time to push. So I just guessed.

The mood in the room, if I remember correctly, was pretty relaxed. I had chosen what they call the 'natural birthing room,' which is basically called that because it contains a radio, a shower stall, and a hippie-style floor lamp. This is in contrast with the 'natural birthing room' in the hospital I originally inteded to go to, which contained a jacuzzi, a neat-looking purple bed, wood panelling, and who knows what else.
I guess I guessed well, because the midwife kept telling me that things were progressing. I can see the top of the head. I can see the top of the head. It's coming, just a few more pushes... I believed her and also my husband when they said these things, but I was getting really tired. I just wanted to wrap it up for the evening and come back the next day to try some more. I pushed for twice as long in my last birth. I guess that God gives you strength for what you need when you need it.

I had my husband on one side and the midwife on the other (and yest, a monitor on my belly but that stopped bothering me after a little while) And when they kept telling me it was just one or two more pushes away and then I heaved one or two more pushes and it didn't come out, I started to get really tired. But then I decided that I really could be working a little harder-- not that it was any picnic up until that point, but I hadn't given it my abesolute all until then. Not the of medal-winning, baby delivering all that maybe was required.

So I geared up, got ready to give it everything I had, and screamed. The stupid midwife had her fingers in there and was massaging oil around. Now, I know that the midwife is supposed to do that, and it's supposed to help ease the baby out and prevent tearing, but I'll say something here that might shock and appal you: I would prefer the pain of tearing over having her fingers in there. Really and truly. Okay, really and truly as long as it's not a third degree tear. But she could have warned me. Or at least asked me. You don't just stick your fingers up someone's hoo-hoo without warning. I don't care what the circumstances are. I HATE HATE HATE that feeling. It makes me crazy. I screamed for her to stop but she said something about her having to do it so I had DH (DEAR, DEAR Husband) explain to her that I really meant it. Also, all the rubbing and the horrible disturbance it caused me (again, I shudder to think of it) distracted me from the business of birthing. I couldn't push while she was doing that. I couldn't at all. It was very counter productive. I was ready to kick her in the face. But I couldn't move my legs on my own and I don't think she would have happily helped me to do it. If any readers feel the same way about this, I would be happy to know that I'm not alone here.

To give her credit, this is a perfectly normal procedure for midwife to be doing and I'm probably the first person ever ever to tell her to stop. In fact, I was probably the first person in the hospital ever to be uncooperative during labor, so it stands to reason that she was doing what she was doing without any guilty feelings at all. She was actually pretty nice and respectful and definitely knew what she was doing. But at that moment, I hated her.

With that crisis over, I geared up once again for the Big Push. I pushed once, I pushed twice, I though to myself, 'push harder, let's get this over with!' and I gave it another huge push-- then I heard 'stop pushing!' I cant! I couldn't stop pushing remember, my body wasn't entirely in my controll. But it was all okay. A couple of seconds later I heard a cry and saw the midwife pulling the baby out and placing her on my chest.

I didn't have this pleasure with the birth of DS. His cominng-out was a lot more hectic and they took him straight to get weighed and measured and wrapped. I did get to hold him and feed him before they took him off to the nursery, but it wasn't immediate contact.

The first thing I noticed was how huge and heavy she felt, all curled up on my chest. To tell the truth, at that moment I was so weak that I don't think I would have been able to support a cup of coffee with my bare hands but I had a bed underneath me and holding me up so I was able to handle this little baby girl. I put my arm on her. She felt nice. I liked her. I got to hold her that way for a little bit and then they took her to clean and wrap her up. The midwife asked if I wanted to hold her again, but I told her that I didn't think I could.

It was time to deliver the placenta. I said no way. I can not push one more single thing out of me today. Let's do it tomorrow. But the midwife gave a big heave on my stomach (again, I wanted to slap her. Doesn't she know what I've just been through?) and with a few gentle pushes, I was able to get the thing out of me. They spread it out on the cart to get a look at it. It didn't look to me like you could tell anything from it, but what do I know?

At that point, I was shaking so hard I felt like I was riding a lawnmower. I was assured by various personel wandering through my room at that point that it was completely normal and not to worry. So I didn't worry but I did continue to shake. I also asked to be covered with a sheet. Just because I finished giving birth doesn't mean I want to sit around with my legs open for all the world to see. I don't care if they're doctors.

I can't remember if cutting the cord came before or after delivering the placenta. DH wanted to do it but I think he was also a bit weak and couldn't get a good grip on it with the scissors so he declined.

And then came the stitching up. I had a second degree tear. Whatever. It was superficial she said. Whatever. It was over. I consulted my watch. The whole thing, from the time of my arrival at the hospital, had taken under two hours. Under and hour forty-five. The baby had done her part, I had done mine, DH and midwife had done theirs. We had done well. We have a new daughter.

I guess I should go to the hospital soon...

The contractions are quite frequent. Maybe even under five minutes. Obviously, they're not that intense or else I guess I wouldn't be blogging my progress. DH, thank Gshesod, is home. Our dear neighbor came over to see if there's anything he can do. We're waiting for my sister to get here. She's on the train. Otherwise if we have to go we'll leave DS with our neighbor.
she;s here.
going soon....
not too soon....

Contractions?

I don't know about this whole contraction business. I mean, I seem to be able to actually set them off by standing up from a seated position or straightening up from a bent position. But they feel like contractions, allright. I just didn't think I would be able to manipulate them like this.

They're currently very random in frequency and they're only a few seconds long each. Say, 10-15.

Baby Names Part 2 (I think)

Considering that I'm feeling contractions, I should probably be doing something other than blogging and twitting... like making arrangements for my son for the weekend. But here I am. Thinking about baby names some more. I had one in mind. I grew to like it. I began thinking of the baby in those terms, with that name. Then we consulted with someone about it and what they said made DH nix it. Like I said before, I'm giving him more control over this name since I had so much influence over the last. But he keeps insisting on these junk food names. In fact, the one he's set on is #1 NUMBER ONE in the list of baby names locally. It's a nice name, yes, and it's got some nice connotations to it, but gosh... I really don't want my kid to have a name equivalent to the Jessica or a Stephanie of my generation. Nothing personal against any particular Jessicas or Stephanies. Or Jennifers. It's just that today those names sound kitchy and dated. I did find out that the name he wants is actually biblical in origin, which makes me feel a little better-- and the person whose name it was in the bible is someone who I could live with. So althogh DH has a higher bid here, I don't think I'll submit my veto quite yet.

Progressing

Bloody show last night. And now what I was thinking of as 'silent' contractions from yesterday becoming real, non ambiguous ones today. I'm pretty sure. Things seem to be moving right along.

This whole nesting thing I went through last pregnancy doesn't seem to be happening this time, beyond the need I feel to just straighten things up. But then again, my house is rather messy right now. Last time at 38 weeks I was scrubbing the walls.

Oop. There goes another mild contraction. Damn. That was less than 5 minutes apart. DH is about to sit down for an exam. Maybe I should arrange for someone else to pick up DS from nursery.

Kicking Is Contracting

Had a very-late-pregnancy checkup today. In fact, it's my due date. They put a heart monitor on me for half an hour which revealed that what I've been thinking are kicks are actually contractions. Just painless ones. The ultrasound showed the baby active and in place, which is good. I am really counting on a natural childbirth this time. The doctor wanted to do an internal examination but I wouldn't let her. I didn't see any point. If I'm not painfully contracting and we saw on the ultrasound that things are hunky-dory then I'm going to wait them out. The Dr. (who was very nice and didn't try to pressure me but did spend a few minutes trying to convince me) said that if I am already five centimeters dilated then they'll just keep me there (my checkup was at the hospital) and I'd have the baby. This makes no sense to me. While it's possible that I could be dialated already and without any pain whatsoever, it's really really unlikely. There is no way I'm going to give myself over to the hospital and submit to all kinds of exams and poking and prodding until I absolutely have to. Besides, my plan is to give birth in another hospital altogether.

A friend of mine was due the same time as me. She went into labor late last week in the same hospital. She ended up with a C-section. She progressed nicely to 6cm and then stopped. The baby never descended. I stopped by to see her today while I was there. She's looking good-- it's a few days later-- and she says the baby's fine. I didn't see him. C-section is one of my nightmares, but I guess in many cases it's necessary.

Sick Sick Sick - Pregnant With a Fever.

I guess I must have been pushing my pregnant body too hard on that day. I didn't really realize how tired I was until the late afternoon. We went a family trip in the morning and spent a good chunk of time wandering around and in the sun. The car ride itself was very crampy and tiring for me, not to mention hot. When we got home I prepared coffee and snacks for our guests and that was when I started to realize just how much I wanted to lie down. When I finally did fall into my bed a little while later, I all of a sudden started shuddering and shaking, groping for the sheet on our bed in 40 degree heat (that's about 90 or so for all you farenheit fans). I called my husband to bring me another blanket and then another. I was definitley feverish.

It's really scary to be this sick when you're this pregnant. I had no idea what was wrong with me. The shakes eventually went away but I still needed the protection of my blankets. After a while I shed the blankets as well and used just the sheet. A shower made me feel much better, but that was all the getting out of bed I did that evening-- oh, and I got up a couple of hours later to eat a bit of dinner.

I was nervous to go to the hospital, though that was definitley an inclination because of how worried we were. The thing is, I know that at this very late stage in the pregnancy, they wouldn't hesitate to just take the baby out either by c-sectoin or inducing-- probably the former-- if there was even the smallest sign of danger. It's easier for them. But it's definitely not something I wanted. So we decided to wait it out, at lest for a few hours. I'm glad we did. By the morning I felt much better. I was pretty much back to normal though I made sure to take it easy for the rest of the day. And since then I've been trying to avoid anything that is too physically stressful. I've learned my lesson well. The fever, we deduced later, was due to heat exhaustion.

Off With My Rings

With apologies to my husband, I took off my wedding rings today. I usually don't like to take them off at all and leave them at home. I feel that they are safest when they are on my fingers. But lately I haven't been able to get them off and they're starting to irritate my fingers and leave indentations where the swelling has gotten to be too much. So this morning I realized I had just enough squeeze space to slip them off, and that's what I did with a touch of hand cream for lubrication. It's been a few hours but the indentation is still there.

I was worried that in a worst case scenario my fingers would really really swell or else I'd have to go to the hospital for some procedure and then it would really be a problem. I think I wore them through my last birth. I remember having difficulty removing them only towards the end of the pregnancy but even then it wasn't so bad.

DH made fun of me for apologizing to him over taking them off. He is not sentimental about things like this (though I'm sure he's glad I wear them on a regular basis.)

Flip Flop: Pregnancy Positions and Floor Avoidance

I'm not a big mover and shaker in bed. I'm also not someone who talks about my sex life so please don't misinterpret my words. What I mean is that I don't do a lot of flip-flopping in my sleep. However, I have been known to change positions over the course of a night.

Right now, and it has been this way for the past couple of months, probably-- ever since I got HUGE -- I can't simply roll from side to back to other side. Something about the slosh slosh of my belly prevents this from being a comfortable maneuver. In fact, I would say that most maneuvers are uncomfortable for me lately, but when turning over in bed involves waking up, sitting up, and then shifting my weight, the burden of it is a little more memorable.

I'm also dealing with maybe a tiny bit of nesting-- though you could also just call it the urge to pick up after my toddler and live in a reasonably neat house-- but it's too hard to pick things off the floor. I know this because it has just taken me a half hour to tidy up what should have taken about three minutes. And I'm still not done. I've been begging DH to recover things for me from under the couch for days now but he always finds excuses. In order for me to do it, I would have to actually lie down on my back, I think.

***Update**** He picked everything off the floor and out from under the couch when he got home.

Still, if i drop something, once it's on the floor it's pretty much lost to me. Oops. There goes my bobby pin-- I'll just get another. Spoon fell? The drawer is much higher than the floor. I'll get another from there. Even if the spoon is, say six feet (maximum-- I'm a tall girl) away from me and the drawer is farther than that. Then again, I don't like moving very much at all. Turning around in the car's passenger to look at DS in his carseat is something I've learned to avoid by just waving to him in the side-view mirror.

This too shall pass.

Up Up Up

Officially 77.1 kilos today. That's 170 lbs for you Americanos. No wonder I have trouble getting up hills and up the stairs (why oh why do we live in a walkup?) I'm carrying around the equivalent of a microwave oven strapped to my midsection.

The scale at the pool actually said 77.4 but I'm going with the scale a the clinic this time because... my hair was wet...

right.

I'm heavy. Hopefully this will all dissapear with the arrival of baby. People still tell me how skinny I look. Those people didn't know me 9 months ago.

Sling Thing

I got a new baby pouch that is meant to handle children up to 30 lbs. DS is nearly that much, and I wanted to see if I could carry him in it. It's one of those types of carries that is all one piece and that sits over one shoulder. A baby gets cradled in the fold of it and a toddler can sit in it.

I put the thing over my head and straightened it up. Then I located my toddler and held him at my hip. Now what? I wondered. I wasn't sure what the prefered way was to get him inside. I bought this thing used and it didn't come with instructions, nor did the website provide any help.

So I stuffed one of his legs through the thing and out the other side. At this point he was still intrigued enough that he didn't struggle. I realized he had to have both legs through the sling so he could sit with his tushy in the fold and his legs around my hip (at least, that's what it looked like in the picture.) So I tried stuffing the other leg in. This is where he started to lose patience with me. I persevered, though, and he was in, but not so very amused. So I took him to see what was going on in the mirror. Carrying him was ok. No matter how good a sling is, a baby weighs what a baby weighs. I felt pretty comfortable but I did feel the weight. It wasn't until after I took him out (at his urgent request) that I started to feel what a strain carrying him had been on my abdominal muscles, or what I imagine to be my abdominal muscles. With all that stuff going on around my belly area, I'm never really sure what's hurting or cramping or gurgling or kickign around.

I was worried that I'd done something stupid. I had oligohydramnios in my last pregnancy (lack of amniotic fluid) and there's really no way of knowing why for sure it happened. (Though I blame it on a nasty electric shock I got late in the pregnancy) It led to being induced a little early which led (probably) to a much more difficult birth and a longer hospital stay-- I won't go into it now. So this pregnancy I've been really careful not to do anything that might put strain on my uterous, such as lifting heavy objects or doing too much bending around. I make an exception when it comes to lifting my son. But this sort of lifting is not the kind I'm used to after nine months of near inactivity. I felt as though I'd pulled a muscle-- something I wouldn't normally worry about but it's not hard to find things to worry about in pregnancy. Today I feel a lot better and the strain is gone. But still I don't think I'll be using the sling again until after the baby is born.

Hair Hair: Pregnancy Bonus

I can't remember the last time my hair looked so fantastic. A bonus courtesy of pregnancy hormones. My nails also grow faster than I can bite them down. I could get a new manicure every three days... perhaps that would actually prevent me from biting them.

Dry Nipples and Cream

This post was republished from http://breastfeedingchronicles.blogspot.com . It's about me. I thought it would be relevant here as well.

I am very bad at doing all these girly things like putting lotion on after a shower -- or ever. When I'm pregnant I make a bigger effort with my cocoa butter lotion in order to prevent stretch marks. I know, I know, there's no guarantee-- but I didn't get stretch marks last time. Of course, last time I didn't get nearly as big as I am this time. To give you an idea of how little I use ceram, I've had the same bottle of Palmers since we got married and now we're on our second kid. Do the math yourself. I bought another bottle when I was pregnant last time but it's still sitting new in my cupboard. And I don't only use it during pregnancy. I used it on my face in the winter when the heaters and the breastfeeding were making me so dry that I felt like my face was cracking off.Back to my nipples. The point is, they're dry and cracked. I don't think it's thrush but I don't want to take the chance. But I also don't feel like putting lotion on. Truth is, I just plain forget all about it. Who thinks about dry nipples until they take their shirt off. And if I'm taking my shirt off, I'm probably on my way to bed and I don't have the energy for nipple rubbing, or else it's morning and I have better things to do, like chase after my DS to get him dressed for kindergarten. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if this clears itself up like it did last time. Actually, maybe I was a little more diligent about it last time. I recall using baby oil or something. Or was that on my itchy scalp?

What To Wear? Getting Bigger All The Time

People tell me I'm all belly, but I know that's not the case since when I put my hand around to my backside to scratch my butt, I get there a full two seconds sooner than I expect to. That's serious bulk we're talking about. I'm counting on it all melting off beautifully when the baby is born.

Mostly right now I'm strapped for clothes. For a number of reasons, it would be silly of me to go out and buy new things right now. For one thing, I'm almost at the end of this pregnancy. But nothing is comfortable-- not underclothes, not maternity clothes, not stuff that actually fits, and not stuff I have to stuff myself into. I just want to wander around in DH's pajamas all day.

The train has left the station: Pregnancy Brain

Some things you can definitely blame on pregnancy. Some things you can blame on pregnancy but people are less likely to believe you. One of these things is forgetfulness and what I call 'swiss cheese brain' or 'the train has left the station' syndrome. I'll begin a sentence and then forget where I was going with it. My tactic is just to shut up and let the other person reply. Pass the burden-- that's the key. I can't wait until this symptom goes away. Please let it go away.

Pregnant and Sick to My Stomach

The last three days or so I've been dragging even more than I've already been. I thought it was just, you know, pregnancy and being tired and slow. But then I realized that no, this is not just regular blahs. This is sick.
It began with a cold and then I developed some kind of stomach ailment. I'll spare you the details, but I will tell you that this happens to some women before they give birth-- it's the body's way of clearing the system for labor. In my case I know it's not so because dear husband, brother, sisters, and brother-in-law, all who were over at my house this weekend, are or were also sick to varying degrees. Sounds like I was hit hardest, but considering my 'condition', that's hardly surprising. I just hope this clears up before I go into real labor.

At first I thought that DH was just having sympathy paints-- couvade syndrome. But when I found out that it was actually everyone who was ill, I stopped flattering myself with that notion.

Update: I feel much better today, though I am sure that I'm a bit dehydrated from having expelled so much fluid so fast. On the plus side, my feet are less bloated!

Baby Names - How Tos and What Not to Dos and Some Suggestions

I can't believe I have not written on of baby names yet. The name of this baby has been a hot topic during this pregnancy. The following is my philosophy on how to name a child. Or at least the rudiments of my philosophy on how to name a child.

I am opposed to choosing a name based on if it's 'cute' or 'pretty'. That's what I call a junk-food name: a moment at the lips, a lifetime on the kid. I need a name to be meaningful to me-- in addition to sounding nice. My DS is named after my grandfather and DH's grandfather. Both very special people. There is someone I wouldn't mind naming this baby after but DH doesn't like the name and I told him he could have more of a say over this kid's name because I had so much influence over the last one. I still have to LIKE the name for this kid, and it still has to be meaningful to me, but I won't pressure him into something only I like.

The problem is that all the names he likes-- well, most of them, are -- as I mentioned above-- junk food names. Think of all the 30-year-olds you know today called Stephanie and Jennifer and Jessica. Think of all the 15 year-olds called Brittney. I feel like parents called their kids these names because they were hot or cute at the time. Like Mary or Doreen or Sharleen or Doris or Carol were in their time. Matilda. Some old names are coming back now-- Bella, Ella stuff like that. Personally, All these names are fine, but they shouldn't be chosen on the basis of whether they're popular today. What's popular today becomes dated very fast. It's also unimaginative to use a name just because everyone else is.

Biblical and other classic names are usually a good standby. Jacob, for instance, is always a good, solid name, although it's also a very popular one. Has been in the top ten for centuries. Then again, boys names, at least those ones at the top of the charts, usually lean towards the more conservative. Then you get things like Aiden and Haydn and Kaydn, Baydn, Ethan, Tyler, Hunter, Dylan, Jaydn -- I'm seeing them a lot on baby name charts but do they really mean anything to the parents choosing them? I hope so. I might be mistaken. I don't want to alienate little Haydn's parents just because the name is not meaningful to ME. I mean, Haydn may be a lot more meaningful to those parents than, say, Michael or Nathan, which are both of the classic and/or biblical variety. But my point is that I am against choosing names for my own children unless they are based on something that I can connect to. Anything else is empty calories. Nice at the moment but later on has the chance of becoming just extra weight.

Now, what does 'meaningful' actually mean? As I mentioned, my DS is named after people who are dear to us. There's no need to explain why that is meaningful. I know another couple who named their baby a name that means 'tranquil'. That's because they're both frazzled people and they wanted the opposite for their son. Some people name their kid after an event or a place that they would like to remember-- like if the parents met in Denver or Georgia. These are just some examples. I've seen families with theme names. Like namig all the kids names that start or end with the same sound or names that rhyme or all the kids are named after different birds or places. This can get tacky, but it doesn't have to be. If all my kids had 'nature' names, I wouldn't mind. It's what we're into, and both my husband and I have 'nature' names already, though DS doesn't. In short, a meaningful name has some thought behind it besides just 'does this sound nice with our last name.' The source and depth of the meaning can vary.

Names that DH has been choosing ring, to my ears, as junk-food names. I told him that instead of just reading through lists of names to see what he likes, he should start with an idea that he likes and work from there. For instance, he loves the sea. He loves music. There are plenty of names that would resonate with those ideas.

Well, we're still working on this but we're going to have to move fast. Baby is upside-down and getting ready to make an appearance sometime soon.

Pregnant At The Dentist Some More

This is a letter I sent to a dentist friend out of desperation for the tooth pain I've been having and the anxiety of dealing with it during this last stage of my pregnancy. Actually, I tried looking up the problem online and I found that a whole lot of people are going through what I'm going through... but nobody seems to have a solution.

Well, if someone reading this can tell me what to do about it, I would greatly appreciate the help.
Here's my story:

I'm having a bunch of tooth trouble and it's really bad. Also, it's turned into kind of a mystery. I've written the details out below. Would you mind having a look and seeing if you can come up with anything?

It began with what I thought was tooth pain. That was about a month ago and I was about well over 30 weeks pregnant. I was convinced that I had to get a root canal-- the pain was almost unbearable and it was radiating throughout my cheek, ear, and up to my eye sometimes. It kept me up at night. But a visit to the dentist and an x-ray showed only a regular cavity and also a clogged sinus. I went to see a doctor about the sinus pain and she prescribed Moxiphan for a bacterial infection, which I took.
By the end of the course of antibiotics, the agonizing pain had subsided, but there was still pain along my upper jaw when I ate hot or cold foods. I thought that filling the cavity would help it. I finally had my cavity filled at almost term. The pain subsided for a couple of days, though the area was very tender. Then I began having shooting pains along the top of my jaw again. Not as bad as the original sinus problem, but still enough to make me stop whatever I was doing and run to get ice whenever it happened-- which was often. The pain got steadily worse and worse until I got to the point yesterday that I couldn't even touch that tooth or chew even on the left side of my mouth in fear of accidentally hitting my painful right tooth (tooth 15?) while chewing. The food that I do chew isn't well chewed-- I can't grind food finely between my teeth because I can't completely close my jaw due to the pain. So I end up swallowing food that is not adequately chewed.
I went to the dentist today again-- the same one who did the filling a week ago. She did another x-ray to see if there as nerve damage but she said the nerve looked perfectly alright, although she still saw some fluid in the sinus. She showed the x-ray to the other dentist in the office and he also didn't see any problems with it. He suggested that perhaps I am having a rare reaction to the filling itself which my dentist told me is the gentlest one there is (P60?). If this is the case, she told me, I just have to wait it out a bit and see if it gets better. If not, the only solution is a root canal-- something she and I are very hesitant to do on what appears to be a healthy root.
In the meantime, she tried shaving a little bit off the filling to see if it would help. She had to freeze the area because the drilling was very painful for me. Then she put some kind of a fluoride coating on it which (from my understanding) is supposed to condition the filling to my tooth... or something. Keep in mind that Hebrew is a second language for both of us. She told me that rinsing with a sensitive-tooth mouth rinse that has fluoride in it might also help me (as opposed to an antibacterial mouthwash.)
As for me now, I am considering an all liquid diet. Though soup is not the ideal food in 40 degree weather.
If you have any other ideas of what the pain might be or how to solve this, I would really appreciate the help. There is the off chance that this is all somehow related to pregnancy (my dentist also said she's seen some weird stuff in pregnant women) and that it will go away after I give birth. In any case, if we do end up having any major procedures-- like a root canal-- I will definitely want to postpone it until after I give birth. If you even have ideas of how to temporarily numb it so that I can eat properly that info would also be appreciated. I've been using ice, which helps but obviously not in a long-term way.
Thanks a lot-- and I'm sorry to bug you with this, but it is really that bad.

Compression Stockings - Dare I?

As most of my readers know, my pregnant feet are swollen with third-trimester edema. This does not cause me great discomfort, however I came across a pair of compression stockings the other day-- the knee-high kind-- that I bought for a plane trip during my last pregnancy, and I've been considering putting them on, despite the July heat and my lack of air-conditioning.

I don't get to put my feet up that often. At least not as often as it seems I should. So while I'm sitting and typing at my desk, I might as well put these things on and gain the advantage of a little better circulation.

The problem with wearing these, besides the heat, is that I have to plan a whole outfit around them. Since they are only knee high, and I am tall (rendering the stockings not-quite-knee-high), I have to wear a skirt that is long enough to cover the tops of them even when I sit. Then there is the shoe issue. While stockings usually solve the shoe issue in the winter, in the summer they present he problem of not being able to wear them with my thong sandals. Actually, my husband's thong sandals which are the only ones that fit me right now.

I don't think I'll be wearing compression stockings anytime soon. This post has helped me make up my mind.

Biding My Time 'till Baby

Despite certain discomforts (big belly, big feet, painful cheek), I am not in any rush for this baby to come out. I want it to come at the right time, in a natural way. Because of the nightmare with my last baby-- he was induced and it was horrible-- I don't care if I go all the way to 42 weeks. I just want it to happen naturally. Also, I want to know what the experience of having a baby feels like without all the added drugs and tubes and monitors. I want to know how I handle it. Will I break down and ask for an epidural like I did last time after several hours of non-retreating pain due to the artificially introduced hormones? Will the baby come quick and easy? I want to know. But I don't want to know until the baby is ready to come out. I always harbor some sense of guilt that we pulled DS out before he was ready to go. I am reconciled to the fact that he may have been in distress and that it was the best way to go at the time, but there are always the vestiges of heart over mind to deal with.

Exhaustion. Third Trimester Kicking In

This pregnancy plus the heat is leaving me exhausted. DS's kindergarten is about four or five city blocks from our house, which is part of the reason why I chose it. It normally takes me about four or five minutes to walk there and even less to walk back since there is a mild incline all the way there not to mention a set of stairs to get from our building to the street (not to mention that we live in a walkup.) Now in the last part of my pregnancy, I get home from dropping him off and I just need to sit down, drink, and relax for a few minutes (which turns into more than just a few minutes when I'm in front of the computer). The fact that it's 40 degrees outside doesn't help matters.

I spent a lot of time relaxing yesterday becaue the day before that, I'd spent about 12 hours in the kitchen on my swolen feet preparing food for a dinner we were hosting (yes, don't worry, DH helped out, but there's only so much he can do). The day before that, we went to a festival on the beach and had to park about a mile away. Even though it was evening, the sun was blazing and I got home so exhausted that I had to go straight to bed.

This morning on the way to nursery I was contemplating how much better I felt after spending the day relaxing yesterday. But by the time I got in my front door, it was all I could do to grab a bottle of water and a box of ceral for some energy before I plopped down in my chair.

Sigh. Well, laundry time calls. I'm sure I'll be back in my chair soon enough.

Finally Putting My Feet Up - This Pregnant Lady Loves the Dentist

Who likes going to the dentist? My experience today took me from feelings of ambivalence to sheer pleasure... and I also enjoyed observing a bit of irony in the whole thing.

I was in the middle of giving DS a bath this evening when the dentist's office called. Uh oh. I was late for my appointment. After spending an entire day rushing about, I was looking forward to having DH put DS to sleep and spending some quality time with my computer. Instead I found myself hurrying out of the house once more.

When I got to the dentist's office, I finally had a few minutes to calm down. The room was air-conditioned, the TV was on, there were plenty of magazines to browse. The secretary wasn't angry with me. The dentist had taken someone in since I was late and I was able to take the time to refill my water bottle at the cooler and catch up on the latest television commercials. It's been so long.

Just a little too soon, the dentist's door opened. She called my name. She asked how I was doing. And then she invited me to sit down and put my feet up. I was glad to oblige.

I have had two chief complaints in this pregnancy, and especially in the last couple of weeks: edema, or big, fat, swollen feet, and sinus pain in my cheek. I just finished a round of antibiotics for my sinus pain, which was discovered by the dentist via x-ray at my last appointment. I'd originally thought it was a toothache. Well, today I took care of it all in one shot. It turns out that at least part of the pain I was feeling and attributing to sinuses was tooth pain. The dentist said that a previous filling on this same tooth had come loose and there was food in there, which might account for at least part of the terrible pain I was feeling.

But as I sat there with my fat legs raised comfortably at the end of my dentist chair and had my cheek problem taken care of at the same time, I wasn't thinking about the painful anesthetizing needle or the drill in my mouth. I reflected on how happy I was to not be washing dishes or running about or picking things off the floor. And I was very happy to be taking care of two pregnancy symptoms at once-- from my head down to my toes.

Third Trimester Waiting Game

The waiting game has begun. I'm not technically in the zone yet for giving birth-- that will come next week. But from this point forth, if the baby wanted out then nobody would try to stop it. I packed my bag. I'm making backup and more backup plans for child care while I'm in the hospital. And I'm waiting. I never actually went into labor last time because I was induced. On one hand, I want a quick labor like every normal person. On the other hand, I want a few hours warning so that I can take care of affairs before going to the hospital. There are some things you just can't do until the last minute.

Put Your Feet Up

The problem with being pregnant and having a kid and having swollen feet is that everyone tells you that all you have to do is put your feet up... but putting your feet up requires that you stop doing pretty much everything else. That is, everything besides reading, knitting, or watching television. Chances are that if you're a working mom, these three activities are not an option, not even at the end of a busy day when there is a kitchen to be cleaned and toys to be picked up and laundry to be hung or gathered.

Hospital Bag

I packed my hospital bag last night. I'm not going to carry it around with me everywhere. But at least if I don't leave for the hospital from home I won't have to count on anyone finding me the right stuff and bringing it to me. I made sure to take an excess of underwear. That's what I was missing last time. I must have gone through five pairs-- just in labor!! I had a long labor, though. Counting on a shorter one this time with my 2nd.
I also packed wet wipes because they were really stingy with them in the last hospital I went to. Even today I can't use just one or two wet wipes to clean my son's bum. I mean, it depends on the situation, but one or two just doesn't cut it. I had to buy them from the hospital gift shop last time just to maintain some sanity.
I packed snacks because they don't let you eat past a certain point in labor. But if I'm there for a while I totally plan on sneaking in food while nobody's looking. How people go through long labors without eating is a mystery to me. The nurse even tried to give me an enema last time but I flat-out refused. I know some women told me they wished they'd had one because they couldn't poop afterwords but that wasn't a problem for me and once I heard the words 'turn over', I was pretty darn suspicious about what they were planning on doing. Ech. The thought of it makes my stomach squirm. Ech.
I packed a book. I actually did a lot of reading last time while waiting for my contractions to pick up speed. Also I read a lot afterwords in between feedings and things.
I don't think I packed anything else terribly unusual-- a bottle of water, gum, stuff... I did't pack any stuff for baby because I figure someone will just bring it over for me when I need it. Besides, it's hot. The baby can go home in a diaper in this weather (spoken like a true non-newbie mom...)

Have You Had Enough Of My Feet? Edema Continues

Edema edema edema. Maybe that's what I should name my baby. It has a nice ring to it, no? It's because of the baby that I'm getting it, so maybe I'll just pay it back with that name. Edema. Edem if it's a boy...

Just kidding.

Now back to my feet. They look like hot water bottles. You know, the red kind that you fill from the kettle? The kind that squish when you step on them and jiggle when you drop them? Yeah. That's what my feet look like.

DS has a new habit of stepping on my feet in order to access things he can't reach on the counter. My feet don't normally hurt but when he steps on them I'm afraid they're going to pop. My toes look like little sausages. In fact, my feet look like a baby's foot. Not as cute, though. Not something I'd pretend to munch on. But I would refer to my toes as little piggies. I think that it's an appropriate metaphor right now. This one went to market, this one sayed home...

Mirror Mirror: Body Image in the Third Trimester

My belly has filled out enough that, besides looking like I'm in my eleventh month of pregnancy, I'm kind of balanced out. What I mean is that whatever bulk I've gained my stomach is bulkier so I don't look really fat any more. Just really pregnant. At least, that's the way I see it. And I look overall broader than I used to be. But most people besides me wouldn't notice that.
Baby bump? Hah! More like a baby mountain. I think that I must be using up double the calories to complete the same task as any normal person would be. Climbing the stairs,rolling over in bed, typing...
In my home bathroom I only have a small medicine cabinet mirror. In fact, the biggest mirror in my house is only a 1/2 length one which, if you stand as far back from it as is physically possible within the dimensions of my hallway, gives you a 3/4 view of yourself. And I don't often stand around naked in my hallway. So when I was staying at someone else's house the other day and I caught a glimpse of myself pre-shower, my shape came as somewhat of a surprise. I don't feel like I have a graceful arch in my midsection. I feel more like a snake that's swallowed an ostrich egg. An awkward sort of bulge where it should be smooth. Ah well. With clothes on I don't feel as bad, and that's usually how I spend my days.

More on My Feet: Edema and Pregnancy

I know I've been talking a lot about my feet lately but edema has been a theme in the third trimester of my second pregnancy.
The truth is, it's not painful -- except for when I was wading through the wading pool with DS the other day and then for some reason it hurt to drag it through the water-- and I guess the swelling in my feet doesn't make that much difference to my life except for the fact that I'm bursting out of every shoe I own except for my Crocs. Thank God it's summertime or else I don't know what I'd be doing.
My sister saw my feet for the first time the other day and she actually felt so moved that she decided to rub them for me. Maybe edema is a good thing after all. DH is too grossed out by my feet to touch them but it's not because of the water retention. It's because they need a good washing. The ratio of how much barefoot walking I'm inclined towards to how much floor washing I find myself doing lately is quite high.

Pregnancy, Sinusitis and Me

Prior to going to the hospital yesterday, I actually had a doctor's appointment for my terrible sinus pain. (With all the hubub of having DS in the room with me, I totally forgot to ask her about the edema. If you think of it, the higher likelyhood of edema and sinus pain in pregnancy stem from the same problem-- water retention. This has definitely been a problem in this 2nd pregnancy of mine. I'm hoping that a lot of the weight I gained is just water.

My sinus pain has been excrutiating. At times it has me moaning and walking around holding my face. Tylenol provided some relief but at really bad times it just takes the edge off, it doesn't make the sinus pain go away. It's not always terrible, but when I have a flare-up, it is just horrible horrible horrible. I can't do anything. I can't sit, stand, or lie down. The pain keeps me from talking comfrotably. I can't concentrate on anything else. It wakes me up if I'm asleep. I find that it usually creeps up on me when I'm doing something that doesn't require moving my head around too much. Driving is a big culprit. So is reading. Using the computer, for some reason, isn't that bad.

Last night for the first time I tried putting ice on it. I hadn't tried it before because anything touching that side of my face when it hurts makes me feel worse. But after the initial shock of the cold, the ice actually managed to soothe the pain in the nerve running along my jaw, which is where all the sinus pain radiates from. The first thing you would try if you are not pregnant is decongestants. But they are strictly forbidden during pregnancy. I'm going to have to try some natural remedies for sinusitis such as vapor inhalation and nostril flushing. Also cutting out dairy and wheat products which contribute to the development of mucous.

Anyway, back to the doctor. I finally went to see her and she gave me antibiotics for it-- amoxicylin-- which is supposed to be safe for pregnant women, but which didn't make me any less nervous to take it. I even called my OB and confirmed with him that it was OK. It was. It is. Which made me feel slightly better about it. The truth is that I have to do SOMETHING about this sinus pain, pregnant or not, because at times it renders me completely non functional, not to mention the complete agony I feel.

Here's the irony between my leg swelling (which doesn't hurt, btw) and the sinus trouble. The radiologist who scanned me for blood clots yesterday at the hospital reminded me that if I sleep on my left side, it should help the swelling in my leg. Well, because of the sinusitis I can only lie on one side for so long before the pain starts and then I have to flip to the other side, whcih causes the pain to subside temporarily but makes my leg swell up. This doctor said that it's better even to lie on my back than to lie on my right side. That was a fist for me. EVERYONE says not to lie on your back in pregnancy. But apparently lying on your right actually blocks blood flow while lying on your left allows it. Lying on your back is only bad if it causes you discomfort. I don't have discomfort from lying on my back so I tried it out last night. It wasn't as good at relieving the pain as flipping from side to side, but I had my ice pack, and between the two, I managed to get a few good hours of sleep.

My Brush With DVT

Deep Vein Thrombosis basically means that there is a blood clot in your vein. I don't have it. I know this because I just returned from the hospital where my leg (in addition to my abdomen-- just for fun) was ultrasounded. Pregnant women are at high risk for DVT. It's one of the reasons they tell you to get up and walk around all the time. One of the indications of DVT is swelling in one foot and not the other, which is what I had. Well, actually I have swelling in both feet but one of them is a lot more significant, depending on the time of day. I called my doctor and he said I might as well go to the hospital and check it out.

At the hospital they did a bunch of tests before they ever got around to looking at my balloon foot. Urine stick, blood pressure and temperature, and then heart monitor. The doctors on call-- well, one of them-- remembered me from having given birth there not too long ago. I didn't mention that I'm planning on another hospital this time. Not because they were bad in particular. I just had a tough birth and want a fresh experience that is not in a place I associate with all this trauma from last time.

But I digress. I was wheeled down to Radiology in a chair. I should have felt embarrassed-- I have no problem walking-- but I decided to enjoy my chariot ride. When the radiologist came to fetch me, he found me reading with my feet up against the railing. He scanned only my thigh and not below. He said that if there are any significant clots, that's where they are. Clots lower than the knee aren't considered dangerous. When he didn't find anything he sent me back up for discharge sans wheelchair. Now that I was clear of DVT I'd have to fend the elevators by myself.

Collecting Hats: I love toddlers because:

This is a really great blog post by the Glad Hatter that I read this week. It's not related directly to pregnancy, but I think my readers will enjoy it nonetheless!

Collecting Hats: I love toddlers because:

No Heartburn

Sometimes when I'm browsing through pregnancy forums online I have to stop and thank my lucky stars about some of the things I don't suffer from. Pu Pu PU. Knock on wood.

Heartburn is very common in pregnancy but I have only consumed a half package of TUMS since I first got three or four packages at the beginning of my FIRST pregnancy. and most of that half-pack was consumed by DH. I was playing it safe since my sister had heartburn REAL BAD and went through a pack a week of TUMS. I had some stomach pains that turned out to be gas (to be blunt) but not heartburn-- not that I know of.

At the end of my sister's most recent pregnancy, she was popping tylenol every day for lower back pain. Thank God I don't suffer from that either. I also never had this stupid edema that's been plaguing me last pregnancy but I guess you can't win them all.

On the other hand, last pregnancy I had a terribly itchy scalp and also ear pain. Nobody could figure out either of these things. There was seemingly no reason for the itch and nobody could see any redness in my ears. It turns out that (according to my pregnancy book-- how come the doctors didn't know?) that painful ear is associated with fluid retention. So I guess you can say that I had some symptoms of edema last pregnancy but it was nothing like what I'm going through now. Especially with the sinus trouble.

DS heart Cousins

It was so heartwarming to see our DS playing with his cousin when they met up on Friday for the first time in months. I don't know if he remembers her specifically, buthey got along great. He also didn't mind that I spent a lot of time holding her baby brother (who is as cute as a little jelly bean.) What a relief!

BigFoot: Edema is Me

My foot, when I stamp on it, jiggles like jelly. I didn't even bother trying my sandals on yesterday. I opted for DH's flip-flops instead. (Okay, I did try to put my foot in my sandal but I only gave it one half-hearted shove before I gave up.) My sister's sister-in-law, a nurse, discretely checked out my legs and ankles when I saw her over the weekend and she gently recommended that I keep a close eye on my blood pressure and take frequent urine tests. I sent in a pee-pee sample this morning. My blood pressure is usually on the low end of fantastic. But I'll have to get that checked out too. Sigh.

Oh yeah, I also couldn't get my rings off yesterday, though this morning it's a bit better. It was a terribly hot day yesterday, which could have accounted for a lot.

I finally made a doctor's appointment for my sinus trouble, which is also related to the excess body fluid in pregnant women. In this case the fluid is mucous. Apparently, they don't give decongestants to pregnant women although nobody is really sure why. I guess it's one of those 'not enough research done on it' kind of things. I'll have to update when I get her response. I'm hoping she'll send me to an ENT specialist because when it starts to hurt, it can be so bad as to wake me up. The pain runs along my upper and lower jaws and sometimes towards my eye and my ear. I've had a couple of flare-ups that had me in complete agony. DH thinks it'll all go away once the baby is born, but that's a long time from now. At least, it's a long time to be in agony.

The Baby Wearer

I want to mention a site I just found about baby wearing. www.thebabywearer.com
I don't usually join a lot of forums, but I posted a question here and got a ton of really good replies almost immediately.

Here is the response I posted to all the replies I got today:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks so much to everyone who's replied. I really did learn a lot so far from your answers, especially the dif between a stretchy and a woven wrap, AND I'm slowly getting caught up on all the acronyms!

In answer to those who asked, what I meant by a hip sling is basically anything that goes over one shoulder and, whether or not it has a buckle or a ring, basically forms a kind of an O shape that you stick the baby in.

As for carrying my toddler while pregnant, I can hardly carry him in my arms over my front -- though I can easily hold him on my hip-- so I can't really wear a carrier over my belly, but I'm totally open to getting a carrier that can be used back and front.

I guess there's no one-size-fits-all or even one bullseye option for each person. Which I guess means it's good that I'm looking into a second carrier as an alternative.

I'm going to mention this site on my blog: http://9moons.blogspot.com. It has been so helpful that I hope it will help other moms / moms to be (MTBs? is that an accepted acronym? (: ).

Baby Wrap - A funny story

I have a pretty good baby carrier (Bjorn)from my first pregnancy but I've been wanting a second one-- the wrap kind. I actually had one of them for a long time on loan from a friend who just had another baby so I had to give it back. I hardly ever used it since I always felt like the baby would kind of start to sag down after a while. But I think those things take a little more practice than the structured carriers. Anyway, I want to get one of my own now, or maybe a sling one, because they say it's good to 36 months and DS is not quite two-thirds of that. I don't know how he'd feel about being put in a carrier at this point, but it's good to have the option. I may also buy a frame backpack carrier for him eventually but that's a plan on hold until after we move. I also want a second wrap just because if you're using any wrap for an extended period of time, it will tend to get heavy and uncomfortable. So it's good to have an alternative one.
So anyway, I've been meaning to try DS out in one of either these hip carriers or slings or both. I was never really convinced about the hip carrier but today I realized that I carry him on my hip all the time. So it's actually a pretty natural position for me and the sling would just replace the need for my arm around him. Or so I would guess. I would have to try it on to be sure, right?
I was at the mall today and I asked at the baby store if they had any open slings that I could test out. I waited around until someone was free to help me, and when she finally pulled out the sample wrap, I asked her a few questions about whether DS could still fit in it and if he could sit on my back (no, in this case). So I said, 'Ok, let me try it on and see how he sits on my front.' The sales girl gave me sort of a weird look, at which point I looked down to discover that I don't have much front available for him to sit on. I had totally forgotten my extended belly. DH and I laughed really hard over this when I told him about it later. I thought it was hilarious.
They didn't have any open packages of hip sling for me to try, so I didn't get to see if that works for me. Score one for the hip sling, though, since it seems to be one kind of carrier I can use in late stages of pregnancy.

Fat Feet

I've got that edema thing going again. A lovely surprise in my second pregnancy. My feet were so fat yesterday that I almost didn't recognise them. I thought it would go away when I went to sleep, but this morning I had to coax my feet into my thong sandals. I sure hope my foot size goes down after I give birth. I don't want to buy whole new set of shoes. Besides the fact that we can't currently afford it, I hate hate hate buying shoes. My feet are big anyway, and I am tall, and still they don't make decent flat shoes. How many 5"10 people do you know who want to walk around in two-inch heels all day? Or in any high shoe, for that matter?

I know the swelling should go down when the baby is born, but some people's shoe size gets permanently changed. That would bring me up to a size 11. I don't care about the number itself but shoot, have you ever tried to find a size 11 women's shoe? It's not an easy thing to do, at least not if you care about selection.

My Weight

I was at the pool the other day, the one where I weigh myself on the scale that COUNTS. In other words, it's the scale upon which I actually gauge my weight gain, as opposed to the scale at my monthly appointments which I keep skipping/missing (this is, after all, my second pregnancy.)

I wasn't too upset by what I saw. I didn't gain too much compared to the rapid weight gain I underwent in my second trimester. The thing is, I must be developing a better attitude about my body because I can't remember the actual number. I think it was 74 kilos. I even ran into a friend who asked me how much I gained (we've known each other through a total of 3 pregnancies so we can talk about these things) and I remember telling her... I just can't remember exactly how much. Let's stick with 74 kilos. That sounds about right.

I know I'm much bigger now than I was even at the end of my first pregnancy just because of the way clothes fit me. My maternity clothes from last time are all less comfortable and they don't fit the way I want them to-- though I guess I wouldn't exactly call them small.

2nd Pregnancy- Feelings of Guilt

This morning I was reflecting (as I often do)on how much I adore my son. He came running to where I was sitting with a big smile on his face, and as I pulled him up in to my lap, I felt a pang of guilt. What will happen to our special relationship after the new baby comes? Him feeling jealous is secondary on my list of worries. I asked him, as I sometimes do, "would you like to be a big brother?" His answer is usually yes, but this time it was a shake of the head. I tried a different tactic-- also a question I've asked before and to a positive response. "Do you want Mummy to bring a baby home for you?" Again, he gestured in the negative. Oh boy.
It didn't help-- at least, it didn't help how I felt-- when we got to daycare and one of the mom's was holding her two-month-old daughter. I pointed at her as I do to every baby we pass and said 'look, a baby!' Usually, he's interested enough to come over and take a look. Which he did. Then I said 'you want one of those?' Well, he didn't give me any answer this time. Maybe he's coming around.

More on Pregnant With A Toothache

I started writing about being pregnant with a toothache a couple of days ago.

So I finally went to the dentist the other day. She remembered me from the last time I was there-- over a year ago when DS was only about 4 months old and demanded to nurse while I was in the dentist chair (DH was late in meeting me and taking over with him.) So I nursed in the chair while they checked me (we're all ladies here). When it was time to do a filling, they called in a young hygenist to watch him-- said she needed the practice.

Anyway, the same dentist took a look in my mouth and said it didn't look too bad. This was only partially reassuring considering the enormous pain I've been having in my jaw. I was sure I'd be needing a root canal, but she said it was just a simple cavity. She couldn't understand why the pain was so bad until.... she did an x-ray (I got my two lead aprons without even asking for it). So yes, I had my teeth x-rayed while pregnant, but it was with the reassurances of a lot of different professionals and I did it with a steady heart (I can't find the right expression to say that I wasn't worried-- is that one good?)

Anyway, the dentist looked at the x-ray and asked if I'd had a cold lately, to which I answered in the affirmative. The pain in my jaw, she said, was not from my tooth but from the sinus just above it which was all clogged up. There is a nerve runnign through that area which can make the pain feel like it's coming from the jaw or the ear or the tooth.

What a relief! But not a physical one. That evening I was having a really terrible time with the pain. I finally took acetaminophen, which I am loathe to do in the best of times and especially in pregnancy (even though there's nothing actually wrong with it at either of those times so long as you take it as prescribed.) DH looked up the sinus issue in my pregnancy book and there it was the whole time-- I never knew it. Pregnant women are more inclined towards sinus infections. Something to do with the increase in mucous production during pregnancy. In my case, it's a no brainer since I'm always prone to sinus infections. Usually, however, they're not this bad, and they feel different. Usually I get them in the upper sinuses-- where you'd call it a headache and not a cheek-ache, and the pain happens when I move my head.

Knowing where the pain is coming from did give me the advantage of knowing how to deal with it. Instead of hurting when I move, this starts to hurt when I've been sitting with my face in one position for too long. Like if I'm reading or something So all I have to do if it starts to hurt is change position. The pain goes away within minutes after that but then I have to make sure to keep switching position if I'm doing something that doesn't involve a lot of motion.

Today it feels better. Hopefully the infection has gone down and I won't have to see a doctor or get antibiotics.

2nd Baby: Prepared or Getting There

I was commenting to my husband last night on how NOT wierded out I am by the coming of this 2nd baby. This statement might sound contrary to what I've said in other postings, (also here and here)but in fact it's not. I have some anticipation about how the baby will fit in to our lives, especially for my DS. And I have these minor issues about the gender and about whether or not I will love it, but I know these things will be resolved when the baby is born... well, I'm counting on it, anyway.

My attitude towards the arrival of our second child is very matter-of-fact. Compare it to a summer vacation and knowing that in September I'll be in school and I have to make plans around that. We have some major moving and traveling coming up soon and we've had to take a newborn into account in our plans. This planning has been going on for months, so talking about having another baby is really feeling very natural. I'm also getting used to the name we're most seriously considering...

More on my OB visit

I don't remember the last time I got excited about any development in my pregnancy. Usually it's just 'HOW MUCH weight did you say I gained??" or "you want to do WHICH test? And WHY?" But last night when the OB told me that the baby is turned around-- sitting on it's little fetus head in my belly-- I got happy. Dunno why. I guess it might be because I was concerned for some reason (don't pregnant women always find reason to be concerned) that the baby was breach. And why? Because I was feeling kicking from both sides of my belly, and I thought that maybe the baby was horizontal. Logical? No. Normal behavior? Yes. Other than that, most of my concerns during this 2nd pregnancy have revolved around the new one's relationship with my DS and if I'll even be able to love it. Again. Logical? No. Normal? Yes.
By the way, my husband explained that breach is not when the baby lies horizontally. That's called transverse (I had to look that up). Breach basically means that the baby hasn't turned over yet.

Pregnant with a Toothache

Painful, bleeding gums are common in pregnancy, but this is above and beyond. I am sure I have a really bad cavity or two and I am almost sure it's going to require some drastic dental work-- hopefully not a root canal! I'm really afraid of having any procedures done during while I'm pregnant and so I spoke to my OB during my visit last night. He basically said I should go for it and don't worry. If there are antibiotics involved, they will give me something appropriate. If there is an x-ray involved then they will cover me and especially my pregnant belly with a lead apron (I'm going to request three). If it requires local anesthetic, that's ok too... Not that I know what kind of dental work I'm in for, but at least his reassurance was soothing. He pointed out that there's no way I can wait two whole months to have this taken care of-- the pain has been keeping me up at night (occasionally.)

What a pain in the butt to get a dentist app on short term, though. Considering how popular they are, you'd think they were giving away balloons and toothbrushes (which they don't) instead of collecting significant dough for drilling in my mouth.
The thing I hate most about going to the dentist-- pregnant or not-- is having to keep my mouth open for a long time. It makes my skin feel all stretched out. I'll have to put on some heavy duty moisturizer.

Interestingly, my husband, who has been having a lot of pregnancy symptoms alongside me, is also having dental work done. I don't know if you can correlate his wisdom tooth extraction with whatever I am about to undergo, but it's definitely in keeping with the pattern of Couvade syndrome-- or sympathy pains felt by the husband.
Sigh.
Wish me luck!

Exhaustamundo

There is a little incline from my apartment to the main street, not to mention the stairs. You'd hardly notice it if you were driving. I'm telling you, last pregnancy I wouldn't have noticed it either, but now it's become this source of dread for me. There's something about slight inclines as opposed to steep ones. I guess that since you're not actually seeing the slope so much, you expect to be able to walk at your usual pace... but you can't. And now it's just SO HARD. Fortunately, it's only about a block long before it evens out. I'm lucky-- I live in a hilly city but this is the worst slope I have to deal with on a regular basis. There's also the slight one in the parking lot at work which comes in a close second in terms of difficulty (or dread). I hope this is just a symptom of the late stages of pregnancy and not an indication of my overall physical fitness. I went to the OB last night. I'm a little more advanced in weeks than I'd thought. I'll take that as an excuse for now.

The Ugly Walk

I discovered today that the pregnancy waddle is just the dingified version of the ugly walk. I was having sciatic pain, as I usually do when I've been sitting at my desk too long, and since nobody was watching, I lapsed into a shuffle-and-drag kind of walk as I was leaving for the day. Nobody was around to see me. However, usually when I'm wandering the corridors I'll do the waddle. It looks nicer-- more pregnant, less injured.

Preview

Today I happened to be in the hospital where I intend to give birth, which is different than the hospital where I gave birth in my first pregnancy. The reason I'm switching for my second pregnancy is that I don't think I can face those doctors again... not that they're likely to recognize my face. Just kidding. I've seen them since and they did remember me-- shows you what a model patient I was. Or what a squeaky wheel. I can't believe I just called myself a patient. I wasn't sick, I was giving birth... that's the problem with hospital births in general, I guess.

Anyway, this hospital was, I think, a step above the last one I went to for a couple of reasons. First of all, they have what they call a 'natural birthing room' which, as far as I can tell, basically has a nicer, upgraded bed and a bathroom with a jacuzzi. The decor is also wood paneled instead of hospital-grade sterile, which makes it a little nicer, warmer, a little less... clinical. It's in the same hallway as all the other birthing rooms. I guess they revamped this one as a little experiment in birthing. The only thing is that if you decide that you want to get an epidural, you have to move across the hall to one of the regular birthing rooms. Fair enough.

One of my major problems with the hospital I was at last time is that there was nowhere to be but in my room. There was no sitting or lounge area for moms to entertain their families and friends who came to visit. I had to host people in my little room along with my roommate whose giving birth drew out the entire village to come and bring her cakes, it seems. I ended up sitting with my guests in the hallway waiting area where we could actually sit and talk without the craziness of visiting hour pandemonium. Also, the room I was originally put in was very small. Really, it was only big enough for one bed and a bassinet. We couldn't have had both babies in there at once. I eventually got transferred to a bigger room (remember, I was there for 5 days waiting for my DS to get over vacuum-induced jaundice, which at the end of the day made all the difference and brought me close to the brink of madness.) This bigger room also featured a slightly better window-- it had one, but it looked out over the inner sanctum of the hospital, which is built in a ring. I didn't even have the window-side bed.

This other hospital has a communal dining area so you don't have to eat on your bed and you don't have to hustle to make sure there are no bloody sheets or clothes hanging around for when your husband's friends show up. Also, it makes you feel less like a patient and more like a woman who has just given birth. The rooms are less good-- they're for either two or three people, which is a bit crowded. However, if you're lucky then you'll score a window-side bed with a view AND privacy. The window beds are separated by a wall from the other roommates. It's a good thing I did this tour. Now I know what to ask for if I end up going there. Also, the staff seemed really nice and sweet. They were pretty ok in the last hospital too, and also more professional-looking (which does mean something) but there was one monster, b*&^h nurse on the birthing floor and one like that (who eventually softened up but started out mega super b^%$y) in the recovery area who really got to my pre and postpartum hormonal self a couple of times.

Edema

Edema is what happens excess fluids in your body gather in your extremities. I didn't have any problems with it in my first pregnancy. I even flew six times in late pregnancy (four of those were part of a trans Atlantic trip) and did fine-- though I did wear compression stockings each of those times and I took care to move around a lot.
Now, in my 2nd pregnancy, I've been noticing that my legs and feet are pouffy-- much more substantial looking than my usual chicken-like appearance. I even had marks on my feet when I took off my fancy sandals after an affair last week. I showed it to DH who pressed on my shin with his finger and sure enough, it left an indentation. That's how you tell. Apparently it's pretty mild, but I'm still not happy with the situation. It means one more thing to be careful about. One more succumbing to pregnancy ailments that I'm going through this time around. On a positive note, it probably means that I have less to lose after the pregnancy since a higher percentage of my weight gain this time is water.

False Labor

I don't know what the technical criteria for false labor are, but at about 4am last night I was having something like it. I was getting waves of pain and nausea all up and down my abdomen. When you're not pregnant, you deal with the pain but you don't worry about it all that much-- at least relatively speaking. Stomachaches happen, and they usually resolve themselves. But when you're at the beginning of the third trimester, you start to consider going to the hospital pretty fast. I tried to think logically, which was a difficult process since I was having a wave of pain every couple of minutes. That was one clue in itself. Contractions don't usually start off that way. They start one at a time and gradually get stronger and closer together-- but that's in most cases and there's no guarantee that it can't just come on strong from the beginning. Considering that I've had another baby before, you'd think I'd be able to compare the present experience to my past one, but I was induced last time and I actually don't remember the pain too well, though I remember it was really, really bad. What I did know was that the pain I was having was comparable to a stomachache. Another clue was that I'd been having, eh, a bit of a problem with sharing enclosed spaces with people all day, if you catch my drift. I realized that I must have ingested about seven or eight nectarines, peaches and plums-- the current crop of fresh fruit-- over the last day and a half. I reasoned that this could have been the source of my troubles as well.
I eventually woke up my husband, though it was hard to speak and I didn't actually want to hear anything either. I wanted complete weightlessness and silence. I positioned myself in a draped position over the end of our bed which was more comfortable and then for some reason took comfort lying right on the hard tiled floor with my pillow. I think it was the coolness of the surface. I woke up in that position some time later-- I'm not sure how long-- and found that I was able to release all the pressure (ahem) that had been building up inside me. I felt much better and got back in to bed. I've been going easy on my stomach ever since, and I'm glad to know that little Fetus is still cuddled up inside, safe and sound and biding it's time until much closer to it's due date.

Raging Hormones? Maybe

I don't recall having much problem with the stereotypical raging hormones of a pregnant woman last time around. Except for when I went into labor --well, I was induced-- and something about that really knocked me off kilter. Maybe it was the fact that I was basically chained to the bed (I really wanted to be walking around) by the heart monitor on one side of me and the IV pole on the other. Maybe it was the whole drama of getting induced in the first place (I was still a week and a half shy of my due date but there was a bit of an emergency). Maybe it was all those things together. But at one point I looked up at the faces of the entire OB staff who had crowded into my room (naughty me for walking around and having the heart monitor slip off again) and started crying so hard that DH had to speak on my behalf. Then there was the incident in the hospital after the birth when I spent an entire morning crying, but that's a whole other story.

Today, however, I surprised myself by bawling my eyes out over a seemingly trivial incident. Nobody at DS's nursery had told me that they were having a harvest festival, that he was supposed to bring a basket of fruits and a pudding snack, that he was supposed to wear a white shirt. He was the only kid in blue. I don't know why but I care so much about these events. The staff could see that I was upset and they promised to dig up a shirt for him, to share fruits from other kids, and to provide him with pudding. I believed them. But still I had to run out of there before they could see my eyes filling with tears. Maybe it was my gratitude. Maybe it was the frustration I'd pent up over a traffic incident that happened on my way to drop him off. DH thinks that it was because I felt deprived of things as a child (I disagree). But in any case, by the time I got DH on the phone, I was a blubbering, snozzling, nose-blowing mess. I sat there on my cell phone (than God he was available) with the motor running for a full ten minutes-- I'm normally very careful not to talk for long on the phone so this is a big deal-- and still I didn't feel better. All the way to work I had tears running down my face. I finally allowed myself to acknowledge that perhaps I really just do feel strongly about holidays at nursery and not having him feel left out-- though as DH pointed out, he probably didn't even notice. He's really young. I even found pretense to call the nursery and see how things were going a while later. Well, I have to say, I can't attribute the whole incident to logic, therefore it must be at least partly hormonal-driven. I have succumbed. But at least I can recognize it.