Sex

This post is about the baby's gender, not about my love life.
Around here, asking an expectant mom to share the gender of the baby is very common. I think it's rude and nobody's business and I hate it. But I do know the gender and we are telling people who ask, even though I privately hate them (temporarily) for asking. I won't tell a stranger on the street (then I'll just lie) but I will share with a co-worker or family, for instance.

I guess I'm influenced by the culture of 'evil eye'. I hate also when people congratulate me on being pregnant. I always say 'wait and see.' The real congratulations comes when a healthy baby and a healthy mom are delivered. And the real, real congratulations comes with healthy grandchildren. I'm only pressuring my toddler son a little bit so far, not to worry.

In this case, the gender is not what I wanted. I know, I know, as long as it's healty, etc. And it's true. I'm sure that once the baby is born I will love it no matter what, and gender won't be an issue. (Forgive me, my yet unborn child if you ever read this. I don't know you yet but I'm sure I will love you deeply and unconditionally). It's just that I was watching a video of someone else's kid and said to myself 'I don't want one of those, I want the other.' DH, who was listening in on my thoughts (they were out loud) reprimanded me. And he's right. And I do want this baby, of course, and I do want it to be healthy and happy and the gender really doesn't matter.

My sister wanted a girl so badly that she cried when she found out she was having a boy. I didn't have that reaction. Of course, now she and the rest of us are all in love with her little guy and couldn't imagine it any other way. Classic.

Of course, there is also just he issue of the mild but ongoing anxiety of 'how can I ever love another chld the way I love my DS?' I probably won't it will probably be entirely different. And that's a good thing. I couldn't imagine loving my DS until he was born either. And now look at me.

Munchies

Gosh, I'm so hungry lately. I have a love/hate relationship with being predictable in terms of pregnancy. Second semester, which I'm smack in the middle of, is supposed to bring with it an increased appetite. I eat a nice meal and ten minutes later my stomach is growling. I've got that empty feeling...
Gotta be careful. I went for a checkup the other day and she didn't mention anything about excessive weight gain, so maybe I'm not soooo off track. A friend of mine just told me that she gained 50 lbs --FIFTY POUNDS-- during her pregnancy (I'm sure it was 90% boob in her case 'cause she's HUGE) and she lost it all. I gained about 30 in my last and lost it all by 4 months, though my stomach never quite went back to being quite as flat. But I still looked good (if I do say so myself.)

More on Body Image

I think that in my last pregnancy, I was just more comfortable with the idea of growing larger. I think I tend to romanticize my last pregnancy a bit.
I'm finding that very tight clothes don't look as good this time around as slightly looser things.
By the way, I walked in to the office the other day and my boss said to me "my, you're looking plump." He hadn't seen me in two weeks. I wasn't terribly offended-- it's hard to offend me and anyway, what other people think about the way I look is secondary to how I think I look. But it is kind of a social faux-pas for him to say that, and I'm sure he was kicking himself for it afterwords. Sometimes things just slip out of people's mouths. My response was "you don't know the half of it." After all, I am constantly complaining about how big I feel/look. And then we got in to a discussion of twins.

Soon-To-Be-Siblings

The baby in my tummy loves it's soon-to-be brother. DS likes to play rough and rowdy and little fetus likes to kick back. It gets really active when he's around.

Today when I was dropping DS off at kindergarten, I picked up another little kid who was crying and brought her to the teacher. When I turned back, DS was sadly holding his hands up to me. I hope this is not an indication of jealously to come. I have real guilt about bringing another kid into the home. I know that giving my kid a sibling is a great present but logic doesn't necessarily dictate feelings. I want him to always feel as special and get as much attention as he does now. Of course, with a new baby in the house the dynamics will change and even if he has to share the limelight, he will also have an opportunity to love and care for someone smaller than him.

I am open to reassurances.

My Weight

As I got on the scale at the pool, I whispered "please don't let me be 70 kilo. Please don't let me be 70 kilo." Well, I was not disappointed. My weight turned out to be 69.8 -- a whopping TEN KILO (or eleven?) gain since my pre-prego weight. Oh. My. Gosh. That's, like 22 pounds for all you imperialists. And I'm only in my second trimester. I think I only gained a total of 13 kilos altogether in my last pregnancy.

Then I looked in the mirror and realized that a lot of it is boob. And butt and thigh. But my breasts are all of a sudden so-- breasty. Thank God I started out small because otherwise I'd be hefting around a couple of serious melons. Right now I'm up to oranges, but I'm usually not much more than a muffin top. Without a bra on, I have to keep reminding myself to sit straight so that they don't touch the top of my enormous belly. They're not saggy, but I do tend to slouch, so they kind of tip. I think I need to go out and get some new bras. How do big breasted women do it? Thank God for small miracles.

What To Wear: Swimming

This afternoon was hot hot hot so I decided it was a good time to take DS to the pool.
The only problem was the age-old question of what to wear. I'm not concerned about looking particularly sexy at this venue-- not that I'm feeling particularly sexy-looking these days. It was more a matter of finding a pair of shorts and a shirt that a)I don't mind wearing in chlorinated water and b)won't drag me down and c)fit.

I managed to get a pair of surf shorts up over my expanded hips and swelling bum, but it was so tight that I couldn't bear wearing them for any longer than a few minutes. I looked through my husband's stuff but men don't have hips and he and I are basically the same size when I'm normal-sized. So his closet was out. Then I turned to the pyjama section of our wardrobe (I keep all our PJs in one stack because we have limited space and not that many pjs between us.) I found a pair of my sleeping shorts that have a drawstring and that fit quite comfortably, but they were actually a little too sexy somehow. I put them to the side. Next, I tried a pair of knee-length sleeping shorts of DH's, and those fit well with only a minimum of geekiness (I'm more comfortable with geeky better than sexy, though I like to stay closer to the latter.) Then I came across a pair of blue boxers which kind of looked ok. I ended up taking the boxers and the knee shorts with me and then wearing the boxers. Turns out there was another girl in boxers at the pool, so I had company. Not that it really mattered. This particular pool at this particular hour hosts mostly retirees in little speedos and dimpled bathing caps. They swim with their glasses on.

Most of the shirts that fit me are maternity shirts and they are mostly fairly new so there isn't really much I would want to risk wearing in the pool. Eventually I settled on a t-shirt that is a carry-over from my pre-pregnancy days but is very stretchy and long and, happily, has a little hole in the back so I don't mind potentially ruining it.

Now the question is if I should actually invest in some serious swim wear. I do intend to spend some serious time there with DS this summer.

Birthing a Baby

Reading prenatal books makes you feel as though you're going to birth a toddler. They describe the milestones of each month and the achievements and progress that the fetus is going through. They even talk about its personality. So much so that when the baby finally comes out, you expect it already to be singing its ABCs. Instead you get a pretty helpless little infant. But one who delights you with cries and poops and soon even smiles.

Cramp Part 2

I was cutting my toenails this afternoon. Bending my toe towards the sole of my foot, which is usually the most comfortable way to cut caused a cramp. I considered trying to cut my nails from a different angle but I couldn't really get at them as well, so I just put up with the cramp for a couple of minutes and got the job done. Training for birth? No epidural needed this time? We shall see...

Now if only I can get DS to comply with nail cutting.

Cramp

Last pregnancy I used to get these terrible foot cramps. I think I've mentioned them before. They'd last maybe a whole excruciating minute until I could free my toes and the sole of my foot from it's painful grip.

This time I've begun getting cramps but much less severe and not limited to my feet. I get them in my calves and-- well, I guess that's mostly it. Calves and various parts of my feet. But they're much shorter and the pain is more tolerable. Some stretching usually gets them out within seconds.