My Secret Birthing Plan

My last birthing experience was below par, I'd have to say.
I mean, at the end of the day, it went well. The baby came out, I made it out too... but it was a pretty shaky ride. I was induced a week and a half early due to complications and the baby just wasn't interested in making an appearance.
The hospital staff didn't know what to make of me-- a patient who doesn't blindly take their advice and quietly lie strapped down in the bed under the weight of various monitors and IVs. I think I kicked (or tried to kick) the entire staff out of my delivery room at least once. You'd think they'd be used to hormonal women, but they all seemed kind of shocked. They were nice enough and definitely knowledgeable but I never really want to see them again. Not that they'd recognize my face, probably.
Anyway, as a result of that artificial labor and delivery, I have decided that, barring all complications, I will labor at home until the last possible moment. I don't want to be around anyone except for maybe DH (but he'll want to rush me to the hospital at teh earliest possible moment) and maybe DS but of course he is too young to undersand what's going on and I don't want to scare him. I just want to have the minimum intervention possible. I don't want to be checked and monitored and prodded. I don't want to be ultrasounded. I don't want my membranes busted for me. I don't want to be told not to eat.
My biggest fear of birthing was having a C-section but then my friend just had one, and she's convinced it was a better way to go, overall. I'm not totally convinced, but she did help me relax about it a bit. If it comes down to that, and I hope it doesn't, then I'm going to ask them to install a ziploc or a zipper instead of stiches. V-BACs are so iffy and complicated. Why not just take advantage and make subsequent births simpler?