Showing Whom?

We finally told our families last week about the pregnancies. My mother-in-law, who is pissed at me for a related argument, retreated to the kitchen and muttered things about 'I told you so.'
Oh, the way we did it was that we handed my 3 year-old DS the ultrasound picture and he was to hand it to her. Which he did. She looked at it and handed it to her housekeeper/friend who said 'oh, this is (my niece's) old ultrasound. It's been around for 3 years." I told her to look closer. And she did... The truth eventually came out. We had family over from out of town and everyone was assembled at my in-laws. Everyone came and congratulated me and gave kisses and things. Bleh. Congratulate me when it comes out. For now just back off an hope I don't barf on you. Oh, and order me non raw sushis.
I would have preferred launching the news with a single phone call to each in-law household and then waiting for the news to spread viraly, which it surely would have in ten minutes, maximum. I'm really not one for show-and-tell when it comes to my body. Especially since everyone kept saying 'oh yeah, you're showing!' When just hours before they were saying 'you're so thin.' So much for objectivity. I gave my husband permission to do it this way because the last two pregnancies were announced, I believe, over Skype since we were out of town. I grined, bared it, and then hustled out of there as soon as was respectfully possible. Bleh.

Barf Two

Yeah, it happened today. I was feeling mildly blah, but just mildly. But bad enough that I didn't feel like doing anything productive and only wanted to sit and drink my tea and read the newspaper ads. Then DD woke up from her nap. As I picked her up, she gave me a good kick in the stomach. In just that right place... I didn't know there was a nausea button on my navel but apparently there is. I put her down on the bed to change her diaper and that's what really hastened the event. I ran over to the toilet with her crying at the sudden abandonment and trailing along behind me, trying to see what was going on. Fortunately, it was just a little, minor barf. So I could turn my attentions to her rather quickly and prevent her from investigating it. But it earns a mention nonetheless.

Slowly Moving Forward and Back and One Barf

I finally made a Dr.'s appointment. It's not for another week but that was all I could get. I have no idea how pregnant I actually am. I'm guessing somewhere around 2 months.

I have been doing ok, all things considered. I remember my first two pregnancies-- me falling asleep as I taught an online class and being woken up by my students wondering what was taking me so long to answer their questions. That was P1. Or P2, me, sitting on the couch, completely unable to move for fear that I will aggravate my nausea and having DH bring me carrot sticks, the only thing I could fathom eating. Those are both first trimester stories.

This time things have been pretty mild. I was hovering around somewhere just below normal-- pretty tired, especially after the kid's bedtime when I pretty much crash. Also mildly nauseous but not enough to stop me from doing most things.

That was all true until a couple of nights ago when, after a slightly long car ride with my DH at the wheel, I had no choice but to leave him with the kids and the bags and retreat into bed. I was so nauseous and tired that I just couldn't function. I fell asleep but that didn't stop the nausea. When I awoke a few hours later I sat up in bed and tried to gauge my status. I didn't have to do much guessing. I got that feeling and made for the bathroom. Barf. Hopefully the first and last one of this pregnancy. It didn't even make the nausea go completely away, and it left me feeling completely wiped out, sitting on my son's pee-pee stool and waiting for some external influence to decide my next move. Because I was still nauseous I was afraid to even rinse out my mouth or take a drink or eat anything. I went back to bed and had DH handle all the crying calls from the kids for the rest of the night. At one point DS came over to our bed as he usually does. Usually it's fine but this time he was bouncing around and kicking me in the stomach. Besides a lack of sleep, I felt like I was on a turbulent flight. This was not the recovery scenario I needed.

Because he'd been up so much during the night, I felt like I should get up with the kids in the morning. That's when I finally had some apple juice to soothe my parched mouth. DH replaced me about an hour later and that's when I finally got some rest. When we went out that day, however, I felt really short of breath and found it very difficult to stand. We were in a big-box store and there was nowhere to sit. I found a rolling set of stairs and perched on there for a while. Finally I realized that the reason I wasn't able to get air into my lungs was because my bra was too tight. I haven't worn one since. Thank God the weather is cool enough to wear a bulky sweater.

Grey Hair

Kids. What they do to you. DH has told me several times in the past that I have a grey hair sprouting. I have never believed him. But today I saw one sprouting right up in the middle of my forehead. This even has made me feel 'old' in the way that no other event has. I have friends who've been sprouting grey hairs since they were in middle school-- mostly people with dark hair-- but it was never something I had. So on me grey = aging. Them's the breaks, I guess.

Mommy Brain

When I was pregnant this time I had what they called 'pregnancy brain.' I don't think that's the official medical term but it sure does paint the picture. I called it 'train leaving the station brain' because that's what it felt like. An idea would pop in but it would pull out of my brain before I had time to access it.

Pregnancy brain didn't end so much with the end of my pregnancy. It's only this week that I'm finding myself feeling somewhat organized and getting things done. Some of this might have to do with the fact that DD is now sitting and can entertain herself in this position for longer periods of time so I actually can get things done.

Whatever the reason is, it's a good feeling. DH also likes it. It's the first time our entire apartment has been clean at the same time since we moved in 4 months ago.

Having Another?

Is it rude to comment on how close --or far, for that matter-- people's children are spaced? I have definitely done it, but I think it has to be in the right context like, for instance, amongst friends. For example, I know people who have had or are having a hard time getting pregnant. But I guess the question there would be why they are waiting so long to have kids and not why they are spread out. I know that when people comment on how close my kids are (twenty-one months is not THAT close), they often do it with sympathy. Like, 'wow, that must be tough.' I guess it's tough. Certainly, I have almost no personal time, which accounts for how often I get to blog lately.
There have been times when I asked someone about the spacing of their children and wished I could have taken it back. Sometimes it's better not to know.

Weight! Size! It's three months later.

Well, it's been three moons since I had the baby. Although she doesn't latch well, that doesn't seem to impede her eating. After my last pregnancy I was able to fit into my clothes again at four months. This time I'm still wearing bigger-size things but people are commenting on how skinny I am. I think that maybe my hips haven't gone back to where they were, because my weight has pretty much dropped down but I still don't fit into my favorite jean skirt (which was the same yardstick I used the last time 'round.) Also I have a bit of a tummy which is really annoying. DH doesn't mind it, but I do. It makes my shirt ride up and I think it sticks out too much compared to how big my boobs are-- which they aren't. I shouldn't complain. Some women don't go back. My sister says that she doesn't drop back entirely until after she finishes breastfeeding. That would really suck.

Sleep Baby

I've been really tired lately. It's not the baby keeping me up-- ironically, she's been sleeping through the night with just a little wake-up call here and there to eat. It's DS who's been calling us and crying. Well, last night he slept pretty well and didn't wake up until after 7am! The morning before, he woke up at 5:30 and was up and running. I was able to take a nap but DH had an exam that morning which he thinks he did poorly in. We started changing our reaction to his calls when my sister was over to help with the baby. She was sleeping in his room.

Fit To All Appearances

Looking good at two and a half weeks postpartum. At least, that's what people are telling me. I went to drop off DS at nursery yesterday morning after going through my closet to figure out what I could now fit into. I think it's good to start phasing out my maternity clothes so that I have a real sense of where I am in terms of getting back to myself. Last time, I allowed myself six weeks to wear maternity clothes and then I put them all away and made myself face my closet.

Anyway, the skirt I wore yesterday was one I was able to wear through my pregnancy although it is just a regular stretchy denim skirt. The shirt is a very simple cotton t-shirt that I don't normally wear at all because it's so shapeless that I usually get lost in it. But now thanks to breastfeeding and my recent pregnancy, I'm a little more curvaceous and so I fit into it nicely.

The teachers and parents who haven't seen me since I gave birth were making all kinds of comments about how good I looked and how they look more pregnant than me.... I kept denying that I'd 'returned to my old body' because I know what lies beneath the facade of clothing.

The truth is, I'm fine with how I am right now. I'm not crazy: I just gave birth under three weeks ago. I don't expect to look like a runway model quite yet. I was somewhat surprised and pleased to find out how little I care about what others think about how I look. What really matters, as they say, is what's inside. In this case, I'll say what matters is what's inside my own head. You have to know in life to take things that other people say with a grain of salt. When it comes to the shape of my body, I guess the other opinion that matters besides my own is my husband's. So I'l keep it in the family.

Baby Bumpless: The After-Birth Belly

I should have done a day-by-day photograph of my belly. I'll have to do it next pregnancy. I'm talking now about my post-pregnancy belly. On the day after birth, it sagged like an enormous misplaced boob over where my waistband would have been had I not been clad in a hospital robe. By day 2 it hadn't changed much. On day three, by the time I came home from the hospital, it had regressed significantly. I still had a soft mushy belly, but it looked like the soft mushy belly of a soft mushy person.

Looking at pictures of myself from a day or two after that, I can see that I still looked a bit pregnant. However, within the fist week, I was already able to feel that I had a waist again. It was a very good feeling. I keep putting my hands there because I can't believe it. What a feeling! A waist.

Now, about two and a half weeks after delivery, my stomach is soft and mushy still but it's not so protruding anymore. I probably look like I could stand to lose a few pounds-- and I probably can. I only weighed myself once, and that was within a week of delivery. My stomach was down but my weight was still about twenty pounds more than my pre-pregnancy starting point.

Another thing is that I normally have very prominent hipbones. I wouldn't say that they are prominent now but I can feel them again. I also feel like my thighs and legs are on their way back to being what they were before I gave birth. I still think my butt looks big, but I've learned that a big butt is not necessarily a bad thing. Fashion models may have nearly nonexistent bottoms, but I think a little bit of roundness on a girl is a nice feature. I am normally quite angular.

My face has thinned out. DH observed that women who are about to give birth tend to bulk up around the face. I noticed this in a friend of mine as well who's about 37 weeks right now. She's a thin girl with a tiny bloop of a belly but her face looks swollen. Mine was like that towards the end, but it's thinned out now.

All this is without exercise or any special dieting. In fact, I just finished consuming an ice cream pop. I was all ready to start going shopping and wandering about town after the baby was born but then she got sick with fever at one week and landed in the hospital for three days. Of course, I went with her. We were all but quarrantined in our room. You don't want to wander around a germy children's ward with a newborn. I was totally paranoid about germs that whole time and also totally sedintery. I had DH bring me my yarn and I sat and crocheted the whole time. Ever since then, DH doesn't want me to take her out until she's at least a month and even when he's home, which isn't so often lately, it's hard for me to leave her b/c I'm breastfeeding. Pumping is an option but it's hard to find the opportunity.

Anyway, the point is that my body does seem to want to get back to its normal self. Now if only I could help out by getting some exercise.

Sick Sick Sick - Pregnant With a Fever.

I guess I must have been pushing my pregnant body too hard on that day. I didn't really realize how tired I was until the late afternoon. We went a family trip in the morning and spent a good chunk of time wandering around and in the sun. The car ride itself was very crampy and tiring for me, not to mention hot. When we got home I prepared coffee and snacks for our guests and that was when I started to realize just how much I wanted to lie down. When I finally did fall into my bed a little while later, I all of a sudden started shuddering and shaking, groping for the sheet on our bed in 40 degree heat (that's about 90 or so for all you farenheit fans). I called my husband to bring me another blanket and then another. I was definitley feverish.

It's really scary to be this sick when you're this pregnant. I had no idea what was wrong with me. The shakes eventually went away but I still needed the protection of my blankets. After a while I shed the blankets as well and used just the sheet. A shower made me feel much better, but that was all the getting out of bed I did that evening-- oh, and I got up a couple of hours later to eat a bit of dinner.

I was nervous to go to the hospital, though that was definitley an inclination because of how worried we were. The thing is, I know that at this very late stage in the pregnancy, they wouldn't hesitate to just take the baby out either by c-sectoin or inducing-- probably the former-- if there was even the smallest sign of danger. It's easier for them. But it's definitely not something I wanted. So we decided to wait it out, at lest for a few hours. I'm glad we did. By the morning I felt much better. I was pretty much back to normal though I made sure to take it easy for the rest of the day. And since then I've been trying to avoid anything that is too physically stressful. I've learned my lesson well. The fever, we deduced later, was due to heat exhaustion.

Off With My Rings

With apologies to my husband, I took off my wedding rings today. I usually don't like to take them off at all and leave them at home. I feel that they are safest when they are on my fingers. But lately I haven't been able to get them off and they're starting to irritate my fingers and leave indentations where the swelling has gotten to be too much. So this morning I realized I had just enough squeeze space to slip them off, and that's what I did with a touch of hand cream for lubrication. It's been a few hours but the indentation is still there.

I was worried that in a worst case scenario my fingers would really really swell or else I'd have to go to the hospital for some procedure and then it would really be a problem. I think I wore them through my last birth. I remember having difficulty removing them only towards the end of the pregnancy but even then it wasn't so bad.

DH made fun of me for apologizing to him over taking them off. He is not sentimental about things like this (though I'm sure he's glad I wear them on a regular basis.)

Flip Flop: Pregnancy Positions and Floor Avoidance

I'm not a big mover and shaker in bed. I'm also not someone who talks about my sex life so please don't misinterpret my words. What I mean is that I don't do a lot of flip-flopping in my sleep. However, I have been known to change positions over the course of a night.

Right now, and it has been this way for the past couple of months, probably-- ever since I got HUGE -- I can't simply roll from side to back to other side. Something about the slosh slosh of my belly prevents this from being a comfortable maneuver. In fact, I would say that most maneuvers are uncomfortable for me lately, but when turning over in bed involves waking up, sitting up, and then shifting my weight, the burden of it is a little more memorable.

I'm also dealing with maybe a tiny bit of nesting-- though you could also just call it the urge to pick up after my toddler and live in a reasonably neat house-- but it's too hard to pick things off the floor. I know this because it has just taken me a half hour to tidy up what should have taken about three minutes. And I'm still not done. I've been begging DH to recover things for me from under the couch for days now but he always finds excuses. In order for me to do it, I would have to actually lie down on my back, I think.

***Update**** He picked everything off the floor and out from under the couch when he got home.

Still, if i drop something, once it's on the floor it's pretty much lost to me. Oops. There goes my bobby pin-- I'll just get another. Spoon fell? The drawer is much higher than the floor. I'll get another from there. Even if the spoon is, say six feet (maximum-- I'm a tall girl) away from me and the drawer is farther than that. Then again, I don't like moving very much at all. Turning around in the car's passenger to look at DS in his carseat is something I've learned to avoid by just waving to him in the side-view mirror.

This too shall pass.

Sling Thing

I got a new baby pouch that is meant to handle children up to 30 lbs. DS is nearly that much, and I wanted to see if I could carry him in it. It's one of those types of carries that is all one piece and that sits over one shoulder. A baby gets cradled in the fold of it and a toddler can sit in it.

I put the thing over my head and straightened it up. Then I located my toddler and held him at my hip. Now what? I wondered. I wasn't sure what the prefered way was to get him inside. I bought this thing used and it didn't come with instructions, nor did the website provide any help.

So I stuffed one of his legs through the thing and out the other side. At this point he was still intrigued enough that he didn't struggle. I realized he had to have both legs through the sling so he could sit with his tushy in the fold and his legs around my hip (at least, that's what it looked like in the picture.) So I tried stuffing the other leg in. This is where he started to lose patience with me. I persevered, though, and he was in, but not so very amused. So I took him to see what was going on in the mirror. Carrying him was ok. No matter how good a sling is, a baby weighs what a baby weighs. I felt pretty comfortable but I did feel the weight. It wasn't until after I took him out (at his urgent request) that I started to feel what a strain carrying him had been on my abdominal muscles, or what I imagine to be my abdominal muscles. With all that stuff going on around my belly area, I'm never really sure what's hurting or cramping or gurgling or kickign around.

I was worried that I'd done something stupid. I had oligohydramnios in my last pregnancy (lack of amniotic fluid) and there's really no way of knowing why for sure it happened. (Though I blame it on a nasty electric shock I got late in the pregnancy) It led to being induced a little early which led (probably) to a much more difficult birth and a longer hospital stay-- I won't go into it now. So this pregnancy I've been really careful not to do anything that might put strain on my uterous, such as lifting heavy objects or doing too much bending around. I make an exception when it comes to lifting my son. But this sort of lifting is not the kind I'm used to after nine months of near inactivity. I felt as though I'd pulled a muscle-- something I wouldn't normally worry about but it's not hard to find things to worry about in pregnancy. Today I feel a lot better and the strain is gone. But still I don't think I'll be using the sling again until after the baby is born.

Pregnant and Sick to My Stomach

The last three days or so I've been dragging even more than I've already been. I thought it was just, you know, pregnancy and being tired and slow. But then I realized that no, this is not just regular blahs. This is sick.
It began with a cold and then I developed some kind of stomach ailment. I'll spare you the details, but I will tell you that this happens to some women before they give birth-- it's the body's way of clearing the system for labor. In my case I know it's not so because dear husband, brother, sisters, and brother-in-law, all who were over at my house this weekend, are or were also sick to varying degrees. Sounds like I was hit hardest, but considering my 'condition', that's hardly surprising. I just hope this clears up before I go into real labor.

At first I thought that DH was just having sympathy paints-- couvade syndrome. But when I found out that it was actually everyone who was ill, I stopped flattering myself with that notion.

Update: I feel much better today, though I am sure that I'm a bit dehydrated from having expelled so much fluid so fast. On the plus side, my feet are less bloated!

Biding My Time 'till Baby

Despite certain discomforts (big belly, big feet, painful cheek), I am not in any rush for this baby to come out. I want it to come at the right time, in a natural way. Because of the nightmare with my last baby-- he was induced and it was horrible-- I don't care if I go all the way to 42 weeks. I just want it to happen naturally. Also, I want to know what the experience of having a baby feels like without all the added drugs and tubes and monitors. I want to know how I handle it. Will I break down and ask for an epidural like I did last time after several hours of non-retreating pain due to the artificially introduced hormones? Will the baby come quick and easy? I want to know. But I don't want to know until the baby is ready to come out. I always harbor some sense of guilt that we pulled DS out before he was ready to go. I am reconciled to the fact that he may have been in distress and that it was the best way to go at the time, but there are always the vestiges of heart over mind to deal with.

Hospital Bag

I packed my hospital bag last night. I'm not going to carry it around with me everywhere. But at least if I don't leave for the hospital from home I won't have to count on anyone finding me the right stuff and bringing it to me. I made sure to take an excess of underwear. That's what I was missing last time. I must have gone through five pairs-- just in labor!! I had a long labor, though. Counting on a shorter one this time with my 2nd.
I also packed wet wipes because they were really stingy with them in the last hospital I went to. Even today I can't use just one or two wet wipes to clean my son's bum. I mean, it depends on the situation, but one or two just doesn't cut it. I had to buy them from the hospital gift shop last time just to maintain some sanity.
I packed snacks because they don't let you eat past a certain point in labor. But if I'm there for a while I totally plan on sneaking in food while nobody's looking. How people go through long labors without eating is a mystery to me. The nurse even tried to give me an enema last time but I flat-out refused. I know some women told me they wished they'd had one because they couldn't poop afterwords but that wasn't a problem for me and once I heard the words 'turn over', I was pretty darn suspicious about what they were planning on doing. Ech. The thought of it makes my stomach squirm. Ech.
I packed a book. I actually did a lot of reading last time while waiting for my contractions to pick up speed. Also I read a lot afterwords in between feedings and things.
I don't think I packed anything else terribly unusual-- a bottle of water, gum, stuff... I did't pack any stuff for baby because I figure someone will just bring it over for me when I need it. Besides, it's hot. The baby can go home in a diaper in this weather (spoken like a true non-newbie mom...)

Have You Had Enough Of My Feet? Edema Continues

Edema edema edema. Maybe that's what I should name my baby. It has a nice ring to it, no? It's because of the baby that I'm getting it, so maybe I'll just pay it back with that name. Edema. Edem if it's a boy...

Just kidding.

Now back to my feet. They look like hot water bottles. You know, the red kind that you fill from the kettle? The kind that squish when you step on them and jiggle when you drop them? Yeah. That's what my feet look like.

DS has a new habit of stepping on my feet in order to access things he can't reach on the counter. My feet don't normally hurt but when he steps on them I'm afraid they're going to pop. My toes look like little sausages. In fact, my feet look like a baby's foot. Not as cute, though. Not something I'd pretend to munch on. But I would refer to my toes as little piggies. I think that it's an appropriate metaphor right now. This one went to market, this one sayed home...

More on My Feet: Edema and Pregnancy

I know I've been talking a lot about my feet lately but edema has been a theme in the third trimester of my second pregnancy.
The truth is, it's not painful -- except for when I was wading through the wading pool with DS the other day and then for some reason it hurt to drag it through the water-- and I guess the swelling in my feet doesn't make that much difference to my life except for the fact that I'm bursting out of every shoe I own except for my Crocs. Thank God it's summertime or else I don't know what I'd be doing.
My sister saw my feet for the first time the other day and she actually felt so moved that she decided to rub them for me. Maybe edema is a good thing after all. DH is too grossed out by my feet to touch them but it's not because of the water retention. It's because they need a good washing. The ratio of how much barefoot walking I'm inclined towards to how much floor washing I find myself doing lately is quite high.

No Heartburn

Sometimes when I'm browsing through pregnancy forums online I have to stop and thank my lucky stars about some of the things I don't suffer from. Pu Pu PU. Knock on wood.

Heartburn is very common in pregnancy but I have only consumed a half package of TUMS since I first got three or four packages at the beginning of my FIRST pregnancy. and most of that half-pack was consumed by DH. I was playing it safe since my sister had heartburn REAL BAD and went through a pack a week of TUMS. I had some stomach pains that turned out to be gas (to be blunt) but not heartburn-- not that I know of.

At the end of my sister's most recent pregnancy, she was popping tylenol every day for lower back pain. Thank God I don't suffer from that either. I also never had this stupid edema that's been plaguing me last pregnancy but I guess you can't win them all.

On the other hand, last pregnancy I had a terribly itchy scalp and also ear pain. Nobody could figure out either of these things. There was seemingly no reason for the itch and nobody could see any redness in my ears. It turns out that (according to my pregnancy book-- how come the doctors didn't know?) that painful ear is associated with fluid retention. So I guess you can say that I had some symptoms of edema last pregnancy but it was nothing like what I'm going through now. Especially with the sinus trouble.