Sex

This post is about the baby's gender, not about my love life.
Around here, asking an expectant mom to share the gender of the baby is very common. I think it's rude and nobody's business and I hate it. But I do know the gender and we are telling people who ask, even though I privately hate them (temporarily) for asking. I won't tell a stranger on the street (then I'll just lie) but I will share with a co-worker or family, for instance.

I guess I'm influenced by the culture of 'evil eye'. I hate also when people congratulate me on being pregnant. I always say 'wait and see.' The real congratulations comes when a healthy baby and a healthy mom are delivered. And the real, real congratulations comes with healthy grandchildren. I'm only pressuring my toddler son a little bit so far, not to worry.

In this case, the gender is not what I wanted. I know, I know, as long as it's healty, etc. And it's true. I'm sure that once the baby is born I will love it no matter what, and gender won't be an issue. (Forgive me, my yet unborn child if you ever read this. I don't know you yet but I'm sure I will love you deeply and unconditionally). It's just that I was watching a video of someone else's kid and said to myself 'I don't want one of those, I want the other.' DH, who was listening in on my thoughts (they were out loud) reprimanded me. And he's right. And I do want this baby, of course, and I do want it to be healthy and happy and the gender really doesn't matter.

My sister wanted a girl so badly that she cried when she found out she was having a boy. I didn't have that reaction. Of course, now she and the rest of us are all in love with her little guy and couldn't imagine it any other way. Classic.

Of course, there is also just he issue of the mild but ongoing anxiety of 'how can I ever love another chld the way I love my DS?' I probably won't it will probably be entirely different. And that's a good thing. I couldn't imagine loving my DS until he was born either. And now look at me.