Pregnant or Just Fat?: In the Mirror

So I'm at the point, more than before, where friends or people who know me pretty well (hopefully those people are friends) can tell that something is up with my belly. Maybe people on the street would think that I'm just carrying a bit of a tummy. I'm still fitting in to a lot of my regular clothes, but they're getting to be more and more uncomfortable.

My worry, however, is not what other people think of me at this point. Pregnant? Fat? Whatever. I'm a skinny person and when I put on weight, it doesn't sit very well on me. People with fuller figures can afford sometimes to put on an extra five or ten pounds-- it gets distributed. A bit in the thigh, a rounding of the butt, some extra flesh on the cheek. But on me, it just kind of conglomerates in the most unfortunate of places. My chin, for example. Or my tummy. You see a skinny girl with wierdly unflattering pockets of fat. At least, that's how I view it.

And that is why I am concerned about putting on weight that is not pregnancy weight. In other words, weight that is much harder to get rid of after having the baby. It's really hard to know which one it is at this point, and it will probably also be hard to know for maybe another year. Last time, it took me until about 4 months after birth to return to wearing all of my pre-pregnancy clothes comfortably. That's not to say that I didn't wear ANY pre-preg clothes until four months post. It's just that 4 months is how long it took for me to decide on what to wear based on whether or not I want to wear it and not on if it fits. I actually put away my nice, roomy preggy clothes after about one month to force myself back into the old ones.

But I digress. I am writing about body image here; how do I feel about this little belly o'mine poking out from underneath my outfits? I remember this stage from last time as well. It's just a little scary knowing that as I fold up another skirt or tight shirt, I might not ever look good in it again. Last time, turns out that I was able to get back in to shape fast, but I have a lot of friends who simply balooned after having kids and just stayed that way. Healthy people. Who eat better than me. who are more active than I am. I guess a lot of it just comes down to genes.